Valentine’s Day is coming up, and whether you’re miserable about being single or anxious about not pissing off your significant other with a bad display of affection, there are few better ways to spend the day than watching a film. And rather than go down the romantic route with our staff feature for the month, we decided to take a more cynical approach to Valentine’s Day. We asked our writers a simple question: “What’s the worst possible movie you could watch on Valentine’s Day?”

Below are our 14 picks, which range from legitimately bad attempts at romance to films so tragic and heartbreaking that watching them on a day dedicated to love makes it all the more painful. Let us know what you think of our selections, and be sure to tell us what you think people should steer clear of come the 14th.

14 Worst Films to Watch on Valentine’s Day

6 Years

Hannah Fidell’s 6 Years takes a much more realistic approach to the typical young love story. Set six years after a young couple started dating, the film chronicles Mel (Taissa Farmiga) and Dan’s (Ben Rosenfield) first significant rough patch when post-college opportunities begin to drag them in opposite directions. Naturalistic performances from Farmiga and Rosenfield make the characters of Mel and Dan come to life, and their trials and tribulations are even more tragically relatable as a result. As Mel and Dan take into account what they truly want out of life, it’s virtually impossible not to see the parallels in your own life. Even if your relationship is on the up and up, the film cuts excruciatingly deep; it’s the kind of film that will cause you to question your own relationship. Similarly, if you’re still playing the field, there are enough cute moments in 6 Years to remind you of just how single you are—and that your chance of finding “the one” is getting slimmer with every passing day. It’s a wonderful film, thick with emotion, but there are few surefire ways to ruin a Valentine’s Day than by giving this movie a spin. [Blair]

50 First Dates

This isn’t an obvious one to stay away from, what with it being a bonafide romantic comedy, so consider this a public service announcement to steer clear. The cute premise may make you think this is an acceptable option for Valentine’s Day: a womanizing veterinarian, Henry (played by Adam Sandler), meets Lucy (Drew Barrymore) in a diner. She agrees to see him again the next day in the same spot but come tomorrow she has no recollection of ever having met him. Turns out this cutie has short-term amnesia and her horrible family has been pretending it’s the same day for a year, making her none the wiser to her mental condition. Henry decides to date her anyway—weird—and eventually, her family loops her in on her mental condition. The film ends with Lucy waking up one morning to watch a video explaining that she and Henry are married and have a daughter. Where to begin? First, there’s the uncertain continuous consent in a relationship where one person has to simply accept the word of the other because they’re incapable of truly understanding what they have agreed to on a daily basis. Then, there’s the uber creepy prospect of a man who would be attracted to a woman who could never form a sincere bond with him or have shared memories. Talk about getting to play the ultimate puppeteer. In fact, almost this exact premise has been used in the psychological thriller Before I Go to Sleep with Nicole Kidman, who plays a woman with short-term memory loss who thinks her husband may be lying to her about their past. Putting aside that, as far as romantic comedies go, this one isn’t even entertaining, please have more respect for love and the sanctity of relationships this Valentine’s Day to even consider watching this truly disturbing film. [Ananda]

Away From Her

Sarah Polley has only directed three films to date, but she’s quickly established herself as a filmmaker interested in exploring how strong relationships can crack, crumble and transform into something entirely new, whether it’s a young married couple (Take This Waltz) or Polley herself (Stories We Tell). And while any one of Polley’s three films could easily fit on this list, it’s her directorial debut Away From Her that leaves the biggest emotional impact. Adapted from a short story by Alice Munro, the film follows a couple when the wife (Julie Christie) begins suffering from Alzheimer’s, leaving her husband (Gordon Pinsent) and checking herself into a nursing home so he won’t have to see her deteriorate. It’s a devastating set-up made even more heart-wrenching by what follows: Christie’s character, unable to remember her husband anymore, falls in love with another man, and her true love has no option but to go along with it. The fact that Pinsent and Christie’s relationship is so romantic is what gives the film a tragic edge over other stories portraying a dissolving marriage; the only foes here are time and genetics, and Polley’s graceful yet unflinching look at how they ravage one couple’s love means romantics should avoid this film come Valentine’s Day. [C.J.]

Blue Valentine

For every instance of poetic, genuine romance in Blue Valentine, there’s a moment of crushing heartbreak. What initially starts as a boy-meets-girl love story quickly devolves into a dual-timeline that juxtaposes the highs and lows of Dean Pereira’s (Ryan Gosling) and Cynthia “Cindy” Heller’s (Michelle Williams) marriage.

What makes Blue Valentine particularly unnerving for couples is the sincerity in its depictions of the lovely highs in a relationship. It isn’t a story about people who don’t have the ability to fall in love. In fact, it’s a statement of vulnerability, and the film depicts the two leads as romantics whose relationship falls apart despite them doing everything they can to save it. It’s a film to put away on Valentine’s Day due to its brutally honest depiction of falling in and out of love. Blue Valentine is an exercise on the fragility of love best reserved for a night alone rather than a date night. [Tanner]

Fifty Shades of Grey

Some holidays (St. Patrick’s Day, New Year’s Eve) give people the excuse to go a little crazy at the bar, while Valentine’s Day give people the excuse to go a little crazy in the bedroom. With some help from Cupid, February 14th becomes a day when otherwise conservative denizens of rural America remind each other you can’t spell Boardroom Dads and Soccer Moms without BD & SM. So what better mainstream film to kick off a night of chips, dips, chains, and whips than Sam Taylor-Johnson’s Fifty Shades of Grey, adapted from the E.L. James mommy-porn novel of the same name, right? Wrong. More than anything else—more than cards, chocolates, feathers, or fuzzy handcuffs—Valentine’s Day relies on the chemistry between its lovers, and Fifty Shades of Grey is so devoid of chemistry between its leads, it might do more marital harm than good. All of the secret room shenanigans aside, Dakota Johnson (as Anastasia Steele) and Jamie Dornan (as Christian Grey) have the chemistry of two people on a bad blind date, albeit one that lasts for weeks. Despite the film’s kinky trappings, there isn’t a moment when the couple displays any sense of anything more than sharing scenes and reciting lines for 125 wasted minutes that could be better spent on the most romantic night of the year. That which was meant to spark a fire instead drenches any sense of boudoir bawdiness in the cinematic equivalent of a cold shower. [Michael]

Force Majeure

Most men like to think that in a life threatening situation, they’ll be cool-headed and strong enough to deal with it. The truth is, instinct’s a funny thing, and you simply don’t know how you’ll behave in a crisis until it actually happens—most people will run away from an explosion, while others are compelled to run towards it. In Ruben Östlund’s provocative Force Majeure, Tomas (Johannes Bah Kuhnke) flees when a controlled avalanche appears to be heading towards the hotel ski resort, leaving his wife and kids behind to fend for themselves. But the avalanche stops short of the hotel, and no-one is harmed. Tomas’s instinctive reaction has irreparable consequences on how he is perceived by his wife and children, and the rest of the movie forensically examines the fallout from his moment of cowardice.

Force Majeure is a tough takedown of masculinity. Glacial, discomforting, and insinuating, the film provokes uncomfortable questions of familial commitment and trite gender roles. Unless your relationship is on solid ground, avoid this film on Valentine’s Day. Or be sure to avoid champagne on ice, because you might end up with the bottle cracked over your head as a pre-emptive strike against future indiscretions. [Lee]

Like Crazy

The poster for this film does it a tremendous injustice, making the film seem like a sappy, romantic tale of young love. Yes, Like Crazy is driven by young love, but this love is stretched across the world and infuriatingly kept that way for most of the movie. Jacob (Anton Yelchin) and Anna (Felicity Jones) fall in love while British student Anna studies abroad in America, and she cannot resist ignoring her visa expiration for a few more months of blissful love. It’s hard to pick out exactly what it is, but this couple has an astounding quality that keeps you coming back to their side no matter what happens. But even as we are charmed by the disarming honesty of this film, we eventually realize that director Drake Doremus knows how to break our hearts as well as he knows how to make us fall in love. [Pavi]

Melancholia

Lars von Trier’s Melancholia is a great film, certainly one of the controversial filmmaker’s best and most accessible. Its accessibility is relative, though, as its bleak look at the end of the world is much more depressing than melancholic. The reason why it fits this list is the film’s first half, an extended wedding sequence between young lovers that falls apart in a swirl of depression, adultery and apocalypse. Melancholia opens their relationship with the couple having difficulty getting to the beautiful wedding location because their stretch limo can’t make the windy turns—it’s a scene that could be directly out of a silly rom-com and feels like it given the tone to come. Even without the bride’s crippling mental illness, the wedding sequence is full of wedding day nightmares, including cold and catty relatives and an overly active wedding planner. Kirsten Dunst and Alexander Skarsgård play the newlyweds fated to fail and both deliver fantastically awkward performances impossible for romance. If you haven’t seen Melancholia, you absolutely should; it’s a beautiful and dark film, but you might want to skip it with the one you love. [Aaron]

The One I Love

Looks can be deceptive. The One I Love might play like a mumblecore/Twilight Zone mash-up by way of Charlie Kaufman, but beneath its amusing, quirky surface and eccentric sci-fi twist lies a biting commentary on the fallacy of romantic idealism. Director Charlie McDowell’s debut finds a couple going through a rough patch. Punctuated by a recent incident, it’s apparent from the first scene that Sophie (Elizabeth Moss) and Ethan (Mark Duplass) are on the brink of separation. Their last-ditch solution? A getaway to a beautiful and remote location in the California countryside. The place puts a kind of spell on them at first, as they revert to the spontaneity and tenderness of their early dating days. But an unexpected turn of events forces each of them to confront the expectations they invest in one another. The fantasy of the “soul mate” or the “knight in shining armor” is approached with caution and the message ultimately concerns learning to accept your significant other, but The One I Love is hardly optimistic about the chances of that happening. For all its playfulness, the film maintains a thread of brutal honesty on the topics of trust, delusion, and disappointment that would surely spoil any date night. [Byron]

The Puffy Chair

Most rom-coms you’ll be watching this Valentine’s Day offer a neatly packaged love story between two impossibly beautiful lovers who end up falling madly in love and live happily ever after. But the Duplass’ brothers brilliant debut The Puffy Chair doesn’t play by those rules. This indie gem trades the fantasy romance stuff for a naturalistic, slice-of-life story that shows how actual relationships work (hint: most of the time they don’t). During a cross-country road trip, the relationship between Josh and Emily (played by real-life husband and wife Mark Duplass and Katie Aselton) gets put to the test. The result is a brutally honest display of the pressures of marriage, the frustrations of being under-appreciated, and the difficulties of growing apart from your partner. There’s also an excellent message in the film about how we should trust our own instincts rather than look for signs from the universe for advice. Few films offer such a genuine, unglamorous view of love and heartbreak like the one shown in The Puffy Chair. And because the finale will leave you in tears, Valentine’s Day is the only excusable day to pass on The Puffy Chair. [Dustin]

Shame

You might think that a movie about sex, starring Michael Fassbender and featuring Michael Fassbender’s penis, would be just the one for your Valentine’s date night. No one could really blame you for thinking this (regardless of whom you’re trying to woo), and for interpreting the title Shame as a sarcastic way to describe a crazy, sexy, adventure. But you’d be dead wrong (and very lonely by the end of the night). The very anti-sarcastic Steve McQueen directs Fassbender in an absolutely harrowing character study of a man dangerously addicted to sex and losing his humanity in the process. There is cinematic brilliance in terms of scene composition, performance, and story structure, but—no matter what the lead actor or the subject matter might suggest—very little actual romance.

In fact, this is the kind of movie that you watch in order to stop dating and re-evaluate your life choices when it comes to romance, sex, and/or your other half. It’s like McQueen took the dictionary definition of a dashing leading man from a generic rom-com and turned him into a complex, dark, psychological case study so as to depict the dangers of addiction. So, yeah. Happy Valentine’s! [Nik]

Sleepwalk With Me

Standup comic Mike Birbiglia’s ultra-charming debut Sleepwalk With Me may not appear to be a decidedly unromantic film from its synopsis—a semi-fictional biopic chronicling the comedian’s rise in the world of stand-up while struggling with rapid eye movement behavior disorder, a severe form of sleepwalking. At some point by the end of the story’s 2nd act, however, Sleepwalk With Me turns from a cute story about a non-committal boyfriend into an anti-romantic statement on the dangers of stasis. After moving in with his girlfriend (Lauren Ambrose) of 8 years, the fictional Mike Pandamiglio finds that the pressure around him to get married has made his sleepwalking worse. Birbiglia’s story is smarter than other films about a “good person in the wrong relationship” because it frames Mike’s girlfriend Abby as a genuinely sweet character. She’s not some shrill busybody or a stifling presence. By pushing himself outside of comfort zones, Sleepwalk With Me’s Mike is able to achieve his comedy dreams and escape a comfortable but unsatisfying relationship. [Zach]

The Squid and the Whale

There aren’t many things less romantic than divorce. The idea of dissolving a sworn and eternal bond of love and companionship is a pretty horrifying prospect for anyone. Thus, it’s probably for the best that one not punish themselves by watching Noah Baumbach’s blackly comedic semi-autobiographical film, The Squid and the Whale, this Valentine’s Day. The film, set in 1986 Brooklyn, follows two boys, Walt (played by Jesse Eisenberg in a role presumably meant to represent Baumbach himself) and Frank Berkman (Owen Kline), as they come to terms with the separation of their parents, Joan (Laura Linney) and Bernard (Jeff Daniels), both deeply self-involved writers. The most disturbing aspect of Baumbach’s film is how scarily accurate its depiction of the dysfunctional family dynamic is. But beneath the melancholic surface level subject matter of parental separation, The Squid and the Whale tackles a multitude of unsettling topics such as pseudo-intellectualism, narcissism and the ways in which one generation can have an almost effortlessly negative effect on the next. It’s a comedy so dark that many might hesitate to deem it humorous, and quite possibly the quintessential film to avoid on February 14th. [Eli]

Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down!

Look—there’s a small chance that you and your Valentine’s Day date could, should you choose to watch it (despite my impassioned warning not to), be romantically inspired or even turned on by Pedro Almodóvar’s Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down!. I’m not here to judge anybody (you naughty, naughty bastards). But if you consider a movie about a former porn star who falls in love with her violent, psychiatric-patient kidnapper (who’s headbutted, gagged and handcuffed her and lashed her to his bed) to be perfect V-Day viewing, I’m guessing you’ve had more than your fair share of bat-shit crazy date stories. Just a hunch. I happen to love the movie (it’s harbors one of Antonio Banderas’ best performances) and even think the ending is pretty sweet, but for Valentine’s day, the rapey vibes and Stockholm-syndrome mind fuckery make it way too intense for lovebirds looking to have a romantic stay-at-home movie night. Halloween, however, is another story… [Bernard]

After a lot of deliberating and discussing, we compiled this list of the Best 50 Movies that came out between 2010 and 2014. These are films we love, cherish, and suspect we will remember years and years from now. A lot has changed with film in the last 5 years, but the quality of the creative output only seems to keep getting better. Here’s to an amazing first half of the decade, and let’s hope the next five years lead to even bigger and better things.

Every day this week we will release ten films from our list, here is #40 through #31.

Best 50 Movies Of The Decade So Far
(#40 – #31)

Spring Breakers

Harmony Korine’s Spring Breakers is a diabolically delicious assault of bleached-out colors, alcohol, and synthesized sounds. All of which makes for a ferociously dazzling watch. From its mesmerizing opening depicting hundreds of young adults participating in grossly outrageous spring break shenanigans,—while sounds of robotic vomiting (courtesy of dub-master Skrillex) discharge on the audio track—up until the final scene, a gun fight eruption (lit up with bright neon tints) at a South Floridian Oceanside manor, the film grabs hold tightly. So seldom are films released that are this audacious. The film follows four young college girls who will stop at nothing (and I mean nothing) to have the greatest spring break ever. The film is essentially a terrifying, unrelenting montage; we see the girls go from parties to robberies to gunfights and back again. James Franco owns every inch of the film while he’s on screen as cornrow-flowin’, gold teeth-showin’ drug lord/rapper Alien. He is on fire here in a career best performance that should’ve gotten him an Oscar nomination. While stars Franco, Vanessa Hudgens, Selena Gomez and Rachel Greene are all excellent, the real star here is Harmony Korine, who has found a way to sell his weird, subverted look at humanity to the masses. Spring Breakers is an instant classic. [Blake]

All is Lost

A spellbinding exercise in visual storytelling, J.C. Chandor’s All is Lost is a tale of survival at sea and a fascinating study in male ego. Robert Redford stars as the nearly-wordless film’s unnamed subject, a man alone on a boat in the middle of the ocean whose will to survive is immovable. Despite the elements threatening to rip his precious vessel to shreds, he fights tooth and nail to keep the boat (and his spirits) afloat. While his dogged refusal to perish at first looks a lot like bravery, as it becomes clear his efforts are futile, heroism turns into stubbornness. At what point does giving up become a virtuous act? Redford has enough experience to keep his performance reality-based, maintaining a deadpan expression in moments where lesser actors would look to the heavens with a face that screams, “Why me!?” He’s simply behaving, letting his body do the talking rather than relying on high drama and facial flourishes. The film’s presentation is as stunning and engrossing as Gravity’s, a similar film that came out in 2013 as well. (I prefer All is Lost’s grit and realism to Gravity’s sometimes maudlin tendencies.) If you haven’t seen this one, find it and make sure you watch it on a big screen with a muscly sound system. [Bernard]

The Wolf of Wall Street

Even in his 70’s, Martin Scorsese proves he’s intrinsically capable of capturing the enticing aspects of capitalism within the context of a searing indictment of greedy stock brokers. The Wolf of Wall Street may feel like an ode to opulence and apathy for those Wall Street bankers who allegedly cheered for the film’s characters in their most despicable moments, but for those in the audience with an understanding for the real world implications of Wolf, Jordan Belfort & Co. look like the band that played while the Titanic sank. Worse, they feel like the band’s onlookers. Among the most telling anecdotes from the film is one in which Belfort reminisces in voiceover about a ménage à trois he and Donnie Azoff (Jonah Hill) shared with the future wife of their co-worker. Belfort recounts with glee the lurid aspects of their tryst only to end the anecdote by mentioning that his co-worker later slit his wrists in a bathtub, before Belfort sighs and moves on to his next deplorable indulgence. That juxtaposition allows Scorsese’s film to serve as a criticism without coming across as preaching. The Wolf of Wall Street creates an engaging experience without neglecting substance. [Zach]

Melancholia

Leave it to Lars Von Trier to make one of the best films ever made about depression. The titular planet at the center of Melancholia, which winds up annihilating Earth by smashing into it, isn’t exactly the most subtle allegory, but Von Trier makes it work. He understands how depression can be such a large, destructive, all-encompassing force, and by equating it with the end of existence he finds the perfect way to evoke the true power of despondency. With jaw-dropping visuals and sound (it’s hard to get tired of hearing Wagner), as well as two astounding performances from Kirsten Dunst and Charlotte Gainsbourg, Lars Von Trier wound up making one of his best works with Melancholia. [CJ]

Midnight in Paris

Not reading anything about Woody Allen’s fantastical and joyous comedy Midnight in Paris was the best choice I could have made. Admittedly, I didn’t do this on purpose; it was more by happenstance than anything. I say I didn’t know anything about the film, but actually knew that it stared Owen Wilson and it took place in Paris. If you’ve never been to Paris (like myself) the opening 5 minutes is a basically a montage of everything you’ve always dreamed about experiencing in the sprawling French capital. The food. The music. The people. The museums. If you have been to Paris, it’ll have you pining to go back. The film’s plot centers on Wilson (never better) as he peruses Paris and discovers a magical world that awakens at night, one that makes his wildest dreams come true. Allen’s film is a nostalgic fever dream aimed at those who wish to have lived and experienced an era unbeknownst to them. The Wilson character fantasizes about the wild nights in which Picasso, Hemingway and Fitzgerald drank alcohol and told old, grand stories about love lost. Allen has essentially made a film a year since the late ’60s; this is easily in his top five. Romantics and old souls will revel in Allen’s glorious world. [Blake]

Shame

Before Steve McQueen earned a Best Picture Oscar for 12 Years A Slave (which also made our list) and became a household name, he made a grueling, yet exquisite film about sex-addiction called Shame. Despite all the acclamation for Michael Fassbender’s flattering full-frontal scenes, the film itself offers little else to cheer for. McQueen presents a depressing look into the life of Brandon (Fassbender), a man who’s constantly in search of his next orgasm, though he never finds any kind of meaningful pleasure in them. He’s completely lost his ability to connect with people on an emotional level. The only emotions he experiences are dissatisfaction and shame (hence the title). As you’d probably expect, watching a man slip deeper and deeper into sexual addiction is emotionally exhausting, but Shame remains a profoundly powerful experience thanks to McQueen’s fearless filmmaking and brilliant vision. Shame is not an easy watch, but the discomfort is absolutely worth it. [Dustin]

The Place Beyond the Pines

A perfect example of the idea that a story isn’t nearly as important as how it’s told, The Place Beyond the Pines strives in its every moment to defy categorisation. Its three acts are entirely unlike one another in genre, and yet are harmoniously strung together in their aesthetic and thematic content. What begins as an honest insight into the lives of the working class ends as an introspective on the notion of how our lives eventually come to affect those of our children, in ways we don’t expect. What truly stands out about this film, however, is how bold every choice is, from the opening shot to a 15 year jump in the plot. Directed by Derek Cianfrance, who also co-wrote the script, the film allows its characters to develop as authentic people by providing foundations upon which the actors can build highly convincing emotions. Ryan Gosling, Bradley Cooper and Eva Mendes are all unforgettable in their own ways, and yet the film handles melodrama with the lightest touch, keeping emphasis firmly on the humanity behind its events. [Pavi]

Gravity

Gravity does two things extraordinarily well. In fact, it does one of those things so well it’s worth overlooking the film’s flaws. The out-of-this-world photography, aided by a partnership of special effects and star Sandra Bullock’s physicality, is the reason the film belongs on this list and will be remembered for a long, long time. There isn’t a film that looks like Gravity, and there honestly may never be another. Looks aside, the film’s ability to create intense emotional stakes is also remarkable. If our connection with astronaut Ryan Stone (Bullock) throughout her crazy journey was missing, it wouldn’t matter how amazing everything looked. But we do connect, thanks to Bullock, who gives a remarkable (I’d even argue underrated) performance, as well as the success of its excellent (though much-derided) script. Screenwriters Alfonso and Jonás Cuarón trade in big sci-fi mythology for a streamlined, simple approach, and it works. Not all of the dialogue plays well, but there is a beating heart at the center of Gravity that makes it more than just a pretty face. Additionally, the film’s achievements in 3D filmmaking are groundbreaking. Gravity wonderfully melds forward-thinking technological concepts in filmmaking with an old-fashioned, emotionally charged story—an uncommon balance pulled off extremely well. [Aaron]

13 Assassins

13 Assassins, despite being a remake of a different film, could easily be summed up as Seven Samurai for the 21st century, a leaner, meaner take on Akira Kurosawa’s classic. The film’s first hour briskly sets up the situation: a samurai gathers 12 other assassins to take out the Shogun’s tyrannical half-brother. Once all the pieces get put into place, 13 Assassins spends its second hour unleashing one of the great action sequences of this century, an epic battle between an army of hundreds and the small group of samurai. Takashi Miike, one of the most prolific and versatile directors working today, directs 13 Assassins with a level of classicism and efficiency that’s a complete breath of fresh air compared to today’s action films. 13 Assassins is near-flawless genre filmmaking of the highest order. [CJ]

Stories We Tell

There is a common misconception that documentaries must be concerned with the truth, and with facts. Stories We Tell is a documentary film that seems to be uncovering truth at its surface, but in reality is examining something much more human. Director Sarah Polley’s goal may at first seem to be uncovering the truth about her mother, but as the film progresses, we can see that it is specifically her family’s memories of her mother that she is actually interested in. This ties together the essence of family itself, highlighting the way in which her family continues to remain supportive of each other and place their relationships above all else. Taking an unusual but effective approach to her discoveries, Polley focuses not on creating an accurate narrative of her mother’s life, but on displaying the complexities inherently involved in storytelling. It is through this portrayal that a film about her family becomes much more universal, allowing us to partake in the shared memories even if only through our own nostalgia. After all, the past is only as significant as the story it tells. [Pavi]

See the rest of our Best Movies Of The Decade lists!

View Other Lists of this Feature:
Best 50 Movies Of The Decade So Far (#50 – #41)
Best 50 Movies Of The Decade So Far (#30 – #21)
Best 50 Movies Of The Decade So Far (#20 – #11)
Best 50 Movies Of The Decade So Far (#10 – #1)

We all have those movies that we really enjoy, but for one reason or another aren’t in any hurry to revisit. Sometimes it’s because the material is full of gruesome violence or hard to watch moments, which can ruin our desire to sit through the torture ever again. Other times it’s hard to justify repeating another three and a half hours on a well-made, but painfully slow movie (we’re looking at you Jeanne Dielman!).  It’s easy to be torn on these films. We’re quick to sing their praises—but not as quick to recommend them.

Here’s a list of some of our favorite films we loved watching the first time, but don’t see ourselves returning to anytime soon. Enjoy watching them, but please don’t ask us over for the viewing.

#1. Irreversible

If you’re not aware of Irreversible, consider your lifespan lengthened by at least a few months, and know that the film tells the story of Alex (Monica Bellucci, in career-defining mode) and her boyfriend Marcel (Vincent Cassel, brilliantly unhinged) over the course of a single night, in reverse chronological order. In terms of raw emotion, it makes Memento look like a Cheerios commercial. Considering it’s been over 10 years since it came out, it’s no spoiler to say that Irreversible contains the most realistic rape scene I’ve ever seen in any film, and once that scene was over, I knew that Gaspar Noé had created something equal parts impactful and degenerate, and that one viewing was more than enough. Technically speaking, the film is genius (for the time it came out, its camera trickery was fresh and exciting). I may have been more affected than I would’ve otherwise had anyone but Bellucci been cast (full disclosure, guys: she’s my eternal crush), but I’m pretty sure that it’s Noé’s unflinching depiction of humanity at its most depraved, the scarily realistic performances, and that emotional sledgehammer of an ending/beginning, that makes me never want to see Irreversible again while simultaneously admiring its undeniable artistry. [Nik]

#2. The Act of Killing

It’s hard for me to think of any other film in the last several years with the same impact as The Act of Killing (review). Joshua Oppenheimer’s investigation into the deaths of millions during a military coup in 1960s Indonesia is like diving head first into the worst of humanity. What Oppenheimer observes (and participates in) is a world where evil prevails. Military leaders responsible for massacring entire villages are hailed as heroes, corruption runs rampant, and families of the survivors have to stay quiet if they want to live. What’s so bothersome about Oppenheimer’s film isn’t just seeing the casual disregard for human lives; it’s the way he implicates the viewer and their complicity in the on-screen horrors. The Act of Killing is a monumental piece of filmmaking, but it’s also one that forces viewers to confront the severe costs of their inaction and ignorance. It’s an ugly film, one that made me feel physically ill watching it, and one of the best documentaries I’ve ever seen. I just know that it’ll be a long time before I see it again. [CJ]

#3. Shame

It’s always hard to delve so deeply into the life of someone that is in many ways broken, and a second time might just prove too much for many. In the case of Steve McQueen’s Shame (review), Brandon’s life is certainly one that I don’t feel capable of entering again, even as a witness. Ultimately, this is a testament to the quality of the film—the raw emotion that we are confronted with is exactly what makes it so hard to watch. Fassbender is disconcertingly convincing as a man whose day-to-day life is an endless search for another orgasm, with each one simply acting as a step towards finding the next. The concept of dissatisfaction at every moment is portrayed so precisely it would be beautiful if it wasn’t thoroughly depressing. Both Fassbender and McQueen inject Brandon’s character with so much apathy that we can’t help but feel for him – it’s almost as though we are doing the feeling for him. And while that’s involving and highly compelling, it is also far too emotionally draining to go through again. [Pavi]

#4. Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire

There are films I describe as “essential” viewing while almost always following up with the word “once.” I don’t think there is any shame in admiring a film greatly and recognizing that being in the mood to watch it repeatedly in one’s lifetime is highly unlikely. I’d even go so far as to say that Precious (review) was one of those films I might never had seen if I’d truly known what I was getting into. Does it have amazing performances? Yes. Does it have moving emotional transformations? Yes. Does it have an unnecessarily long title due to someone’s ill-placed concern that there’d be any confusion whatsoever in confusing this film for a superhero action film released in the same year? Weirdly so. Additionally, it has the abuse of a pregnant teen by her welfare-addicted mother, repeated rape from her father, and a cast of characters who finally give this young woman the support she needs to take control of her life. But for every heart melting scene are about 10 scenes of a mother throwing pots and TVs at a girl living a hell that most of us couldn’t even dream up. The ratio is a tough balance. But I still say see it. Once. [Ananda]

#5. Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father

Easily one of the most shocking and disturbing documentaries I have ever witnessed (and not simply because one of the subjects shares my name), Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father illustrates one man’s journey to memorialize his murdered friend, when that friend’s ex-girlfriend announces she’s expecting a son. The tone indicates early on that the only way this story will end is in disaster. Documentarian Kurt Kuenne tracks the life of Dr. Andrew Bagby from his childhood when he and Kurt made films together as friends, through Bagby’s adulthood, marriage, and ultimate murder. In speaking with Bagby’s family, Kuenne paints a picture not only of a good man killed in cold blood, but the frightening fallout from his murder. Throughout the film, you’re left angered that so little was done to prevent what ultimately occurred; however, it’s also easy to understand the inevitability of this tragedy. That doesn’t make watching events unfold within Dear Zachary any less devastating. The documentary may not be an intricately constructed masterpiece but the story it portrays is among the saddest realities an audience will have to face, just not one you’ll want to watch twice. [Zach]

#6. The Hunt

At about the 15-minute mark, The Hunt (review) takes a turn so unsettling that the film becomes uncomfortable to watch, and it remains uncomfortable to watch for its duration. The film tells the tale of a man—a kindergarten employee, no less—who is wrongly accused of being a pedophile. A young, confused child points the wrong finger at the wrong guy for the wrong reason and that guy’s life is over as quickly as word of his alleged actions can spread through the small, close-knit community and its micro-mob mentality. Pedophilia is like no other crime. When kids have potentially been exposed to a pedophile, there is no “innocent until proven guilty” in the court of public opinion. The film maximizes this wonderfully, especially in its depiction of the townspeople’s actions. What ultimately sells the tension, though, is that the viewer knows he’s innocent. This is no whodunit. There is no playing around with “did he or didn’t he?” and waiting for that “twist” to drive the final opinion on the film. His innocence is a fact, which raises the stakes on his pathos, which ratchets the unease of the viewer. Tack on a last shot for the ages and this unforgettable film is best left preserved in the memory. [Michael]

#7. Hard to be a God

It’s hard for me to add any other superlatives that CJ hasn’t already used in his fantastic write-up of the downright depraved Russian film Hard to be a God. Alesky German directed this brutal and savage film about a group of scientists who travel from Earth to another planet going through their own Medieval Age. Told not to interfere with the going-ons on the planet, they must sit back and watch as people are viciously murdered and treated like scum. German’s film is 3 hours of straight unholy debauchery where people trudge through mud, carcuses (human and animals) and mounds and mounds of excrement. If the setting isn’t disgusting enough, German constantly has objects (animate and not) directly in front of the action to add an immediacy to the ongoings, putting you right in the middle of all the action. About an hour in, I started to get queasy and almost had to stop watching. There has never been a film like Hard to be a God and there will probably never will be. [Blake]

#8. The Master

Initially my thoughts leaned to movies that evoked a positive memory such as Master and Commander or The Last Samurai–movies I only ever saw once but loved so much that I purchased them–and then never got around to watching them again. Their length and tendency towards tediousness always at the forefront when passing over them come movie night. The possibility for a future viewing is still there, however. On the other hand, it’s hard for me to say that I loved The Master (review). In fact, for a very long time I was determined to vocalize my absolute dislike for it. I don’t remember a second of that movie that I wasn’t cringing. But in thinking about where the roots of my aversion were, I couldn’t admit that it was the performances. Philip Seymour Hoffman, Joaquin Phoenix, and Amy Adams were outstanding. Ultimately I came to the realization that, in fact, this movie was really well done. Centered around self-worshiping, semi-psychotic, narcissistic con-men who prey on the weak and vulnerable, one has no choice but to respond with vitriol. So…kudos to everyone involved in the making of such a great movie, but I will never watch it again. [Scarlet]

#9. Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer

Honestly, the concept of loving a film despite never wanting to watch it again really doesn’t register with me. If there is something in a movie that works for me, no matter how violent, draining or depressing it might be, it’s going to be something I will consider revisiting. That said, John McNaughton’s troubling Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer is a film I’m not itching to see again for a long time. Known primarily as a horror film—I remember seeing the VHS in the same vicinity of the video store as other 1980’s gems Chopping Mall and Brain Damage, but Henry is far, far from these silly blood-splatter flicks. It’s darkly honest and straight-ahead script and documentary shooting style is a fascinating approach to the genre, but also a bit icky. Truthfully, there aren’t a lot of scares, but the intense commitment of everyone involved (from the screenwriters, to the director, to star Michael Rooker) get us inside this character, eventually taking us places we really don’t want to be. Personally, the film is made all too real in part by the Chicago street cinematography—though Wicker Park and its surrounding areas have dramatically changed over the last 30 years, it’s still recognizable enough to make me a little more aware of my own environment. [Aaron]

#10. Enter the Void

Yes, another Gaspar Noé film on this list. Adding to his collection of challenging films, Noé trades the excessive violence and brutality of Irreversible for excessive visuals and runtime in Enter the Void. The film (review) is packed with intoxicating visuals from pulsating neon lights to ghost-like camera movements that pass through walls and buildings, completely disorienting the senses like an acid trip. And because it clocks in at over two and a half hours—it’s one long trip. There’s a lot to admire from artistic and technical standpoints as some moments in the film are unlike anything seen before in film. However, the sensory overload eventually becomes exhausting to the point you’d wish it would just end already. Not helping matters is a meandering script which stretches about 30 minutes worth of material into 161 minutes. If you ever wanted to experience DMT without actually doing it, one time through Enter the Void should do the trick. But unlike the drug, you won’t be itching to go back to it. [Dustin]

#11. Mr. Nanny

I’m pretty sure Mr. Nanny is legitimately considered one of the worst movies of all time. Hulk Hogan plays a former professional wrestler who becomes a nanny to make ends meet…so yeah. It’s ridiculous. But you know what? When I watched it as a kid in the early ‘90s, I had the time of my f*cking life! I’ve been a huge Hulkamaniac since birth (I had a plush toy and action figures and video games), so to see my red-and-yellow hero star in his own movie was the coolest thing ever! I remember laughing my little ass off at every single dumb gag and thinking the Hulkster was going to be a HUGE movie star (my taste in actors is better now, I promise). I saw the movie on a VHS tape rented from Blockbuster (those were the days) and never saw it again, probably because it sucked so much no network wanted to run it. But man, did I have a blast watching it that day. Sure, I could probably find it again online and replace my old memories with new, sh*tty ones, but what’s the use in that? [Bernard]

Steve McQueen’s Shame is a mesmerizing film about a man that has a severe addiction to sex who finds it impossible to have emotions around others. The film is dark and depressing with shame present in each of the characters eyes. But the true shame here is that the film will not be seen by most because of the NC-17 rating it received, a true shame.

The film starts off in a New York subway when Brandon Sullivan (Michael Fassbender) notices a woman on the train giving him flirty looks. A dramatic score builds up as she gets off the train at its next stop. We see a wedding ring on her finger but that does next stop him from chasing after her. He frantically looks all around the stop but she is nowhere in sight. In his mind, she was the one that “got away”.

At a glance Brandon seems to have everything going for him. He is a charming, handsome, and successful man. What you do not see the strong addiction he has to sex. He does not believe in marriage because he is incapable of emotionally connecting to people. The longest relationship he has ever had is four months and it was probably his longest by a landslide.

On any given night he brings a lady home from a bar, hires a prostitute or settles for internet pornography. He often watches pornography on his computer without pleasuring himself. It has gotten so bad that his work computer stopped working because of the amount of pornography and subsequently computer viruses that were on it.

He comes home one night to find music blaring in his apartment. Thinking he has walked in on some kind of criminal he quickly heads to the closest to get a bat. Then he bursts open the bathroom door only to find it is his sister, Sissy Sullivan (Carey Mulligan).

It would be just like Sissy to show up uninvited as that is the whimsical nature of her personality. She is a beautiful traveling singer but she is also not without her flaws. The first indication that she is suicidal is when she and Brandon are at the subway and she half-jokingly acts if she is going to step down to the tracks. Perhaps it was more of a reaction than a joke? The second time her suicidal tendencies comes up is at the dinner table when someone spots marks on her arms that she simply shrugs off by saying she was bored as a child.

Sissy just wants to stay in contact with her brother. She knows if she stops attempting to do so with him that she would never hear from him again. But he does not see it like that. Brandon looks at her as weight on his shoulders and a responsibility. She stands in his way of living the life he wishes to pursue.

Hinted along the way is the fact that their upbringing was rough, but it was never explained. It is not a bad thing that it was never explained as films often give out unnecessary details. Instead you will be thinking to yourself just exactly what it was that their parents did to thems growing up.

Michael Fassbender was simply stunning in his bravest and greatest performance to date. I agree with the many out there that say he was snubbed from an Oscar nomination, but it is not much of a mystery as to why. It had less to do with his performance in the film as it did with the rating of the film.

It is hard to believe that this marks only the second film that which Steve McQueen has directed. Shame was executed so well you think he would have been doing this his whole life. I have foolishly not seen his first film, Hunger, but after watching this one I will be sure to add it to my list.

The cinematography was very well done. In particular the scene where he is jogging down several blocks in downtown New York City. Shots of the city skyline are frequent throughout the film and a character in the film even says at one point, “Wow. I forget how beautiful this city is.” The colors in Shame are dark which works perfectly for its subject matter.

Ultimately, Shame is about the failure to connect emotionally with people. It is a passionate, perverse, and powerful film. But I suspect Steve McQueen knew this already. In the last scene of Shame the words powerful, thoughtful, and relevant appear clearly visible in the background. I do not think that was an accident.

The 2012 Film Independent Spirit Award nominations were announced today by presenters Anthony Mackie and Kate Beckinsale kicking off the award season. Of the total 277 total film submissions The Artist and Take Shelter raked in the most nominations this year with five in total. Close behind them with 4 nominations were films Martha Marcy May Marlene, The Descendants, and Drive. I would say the front-runner for awards this year is The Artist but all of the films above will have a shot of being represented here as well as at the Oscars.

Michelle Williams gets her second nomination Best Female Lead nomination in a row with her role in My Week With Marilyn (last year’s nomination was for Blue Valentine). She was not the one to get a repeat nomination for the second year in a row as John Hawkes also received a nomination for Martha Marcy May Marlene for Best Supporting Male (John Hawkes won the award last year for Winter’s Bone).

In order to qualify for Spirit Awards a film has to be made for under $20 million, which would explain the absence of Tree Of Life among the nominations, which is a little disappointing as it has been my favorite film of 2011 so far (I still have a fair amount to see still though). Although I have not seen them yet, I am a little disappointed that Alps and The Skin I Live In did not make the cut for a nomination in the Best Foreign Film category (need to have at least 1 U.S. producer to qualify for the other awards).

The winners will be announced at the 27th annual Film Independent Spirit Awards on February 25th and the broadcast will air at 10 p.m. ET/PT on IFC.

50/50 – Seth Rogen, Evan Goldberg, Ben Karlin
Beginners – Miranda de Pencier, Lars Knudsen, Leslie Urdang, Jay Van Hoy, Dean Vanech
Drive – Michel Litvak, John Palermo, Marc Platt, Gigi Pritzker, Adam Siegel
Take Shelter – Tyler Davidson, Sophia Lin
The Artist – Thomas Langmann, Emmanuel Montamat
The Descendants – Jim Burke, Alexander Payne, Jim Taylor

Mike Mills – Beginners
Nicolas Winding Refn – Drive
Jeff Nichols – Take Shelter
Michel Hazanavicius – The Artist
Alexander Payne – The Descendants

Another Earth – Directed by Mike Cahill; Producers: Mike Cahill, Hunter Gray, Brit Marling, Nicholas Shumaker
In The Family – Directed by Patrick Wang; Producers: Robert Tonino, Andrew van den Houten, Patrick Wang
Margin Call – Directed by J.C. Chandor; Producers: Robert Ogden Barnum, Michael Benaroya, Neal Dodson, Joe Jenckes, Corey Moosa, Zachary Quinto
Martha Marcy May Marlene – Directed by Sean Durkin; Producers: Antonio Campos, Patrick Cunningham, Chris Maybach, Josh Mond
Natural Selection – Directed by Robbie Pickering; Producers: Brion Hambel, Paul Jensen

Demian Bichir – A Better Life
Jean Dujardin – The Artist
Ryan Gosling – Drive
Woody Harrelson – Rampart
Michael Shannon – Take Shelter

Lauren Ambrose – Think Of Me
Rachel Harris – Natural Selection
Adepero Oduye – Pariah
Elizabeth Olsen – Martha Marcy May Marlene
Michelle Williams – My Week With Marilyn

Albert Brooks – Drive
John Hawkes – Martha Marcy May Marlene
Christopher Plummer – Beginners
John C. Reilly – Cedar Rapids
Corey Stoll – Midnight In Paris

Jessica Chastain – Take Shelter
Angelica Huston – 50/50
Janet McTeer – Albert Nobbs
Harmony Santana – Gun Hill Road
Shaileen Woodley – The Descendants

Bellflower – Written and directed by Evan Glodell; Producers: Evan Glodell, Vincent Grashaw
Circumstance – Written and directed by Maryam Keshavarz; Producers: Karin Chien, Maryam Keshavarz, Melissa M. Lee
Hello Lonesome – Written and directed and produced by Adam Reid
Lovers of Hate – Written and directed by Dee Rees; Producer: Nekisa Cooper
The Dynamiter – Writters: Matthew Gordon and Brad Ingelsby; Directed by Matthew Gordon; Producers: Kevin Abrams, Matthew Gordon, Merilee Holt, Nate Tuck, Amile Wilson

An African Election – Jarreth J. Merz, Kevin Merz
Bill Cunningham New York – Richard Press
The Interrupters – Steve James
The Redemption of General Butt Naked – Daniele Anastasion, Eric Strauss
We Were Here – David Weissman, Bill Weber

A Separation – Asghar Farhadi
Melancholia – Lars von Trier
Shame – Steve McQueen
The Kid With A Bike – Jean-Pierre Dardenne, Luc Dardenne
Tyrannosaur – Paddy Considine

Joel Hodge – Bellflower
Benjamin Kasulke – The Off Hours
Darius Khondji – Midnight In Paris
Guillaume Schiffman – The Artist
Jeffrey Waldron – The Dynamiter

Joseph Cedar – Footnote
Michel Hazanivicius – The Artist
Tom McCarthy – Win Win
Mike Mills – Beginners
Alexander Payne, Nat Faxon & Jim Rash – The Descendants

Mike Cahill & Brit Marling – Another Earth
J.C. Chandor – Margin Call
Patreck DeWitt – Terri
Phil Johnston – Cedar Rapids
Will Reiser – 50/50

Margin Call
Director: J.C. Chandor
Ensemble Cast: Kevin Spacey, Paul Bettany, Jeremy Irons, Zachary Quinto, Penn Badgley, Simon Baker, Mary McDonnell, Demi Moore

Chad Burris – Mosquita y Mari
Sophia Lin – Take Shelter
Josh Mond – Martha Marcy May Marlene

Heather Courtney – Where Soldiers Come From
Danfung Dennis – Hell and Back Again
Alma Har’El – Bombay Beach

Simon Arthur – Silver Tongues
Mark Jackson – Without
Nicholas Ozeki – Mamitas

My last day at the Toronto International Film Festival I see the documentary Samsara, Steve McQueen’s Shame and the film Dustin Jansick was most excited about at the festival ALPS. Here are my first impressions and mini reviews of the films.

Without a doubt one of the most beautiful films I have ever laid my eyes on. Shot in over 50 countries, this documentary has no narrative, no spoken words. Just images set to intoxicating rhythms and beats. An absolute stunner of a film. Shot on 65mm film. The filmmakers travel the world to show life and death in nature and the every sprawling metropolises of the world. Showing the ever changing landscapes of our world and our growing reliance on all things unnatural, Samsara is a must see. Probably the documentary of the year for me.

Director Steve McQueen had one of the best debuts of the last decade with Hunger in 2008. McQueen returns this year with his star of Hunger, Michael Fassbender (2011’s rising star) for his newest film about a man struggling with his addiction to sex. Fassbender gives the performance of the year as Brandon, a man living in New York who is completely at the mercy of his addiction. It all unravels when his long lost sister shows up unannounced to stay with him. Fassbender gives a mesmerizing performance that will hopefully nab him an Oscar nomination. Carey Mulligan as Brandon’s sister is equally stirring. Both give fearless performances. McQueen pulls no punches when it comes to showing the lengths Brandon will go to to get his fix. One thing is for sure, this one doesn’t end on a happy note. A brave ending Shame ends on. McQueen is one of the best right now and I for one cannot wait to see what he does next.

This movie perplexes me. One one half, you have a fantastic premise. A group of people get together to ease the pain of people who lose a loved one. They enter their lives AS that person who has died. They wear their clothes, say things the deceased would say, they live in the homes of their loved ones. Just to ease the loss. I was waiting for this one to be a big emotional movie. What it ended up being was a more drier and funnier movie about loss and boredom. The second film by the director of Dogtooth is unfortunately in the same vein as that film (which I loved by the way), where it could have had more emotional high points given the material. I felt the movie went in the wrong direction with it’s tone. I did end up liking the movie out of how well it’s made, but I rue the fact that it could’ve gone in a better direction. This is still a movie to watch out for and the director has loads of talent. The film begs for repeat viewings. There is one scene of particular brilliance that even Tarantino would be proud of.

The 2011 Toronto International Film Festival is about to begin and I will representing Way Too Indie there. We previously posted the films we are most excited for but here is the list of films I will be seeing (some of which were on that list). Expect mini-reviews to follow as well as my general experience of the atmosphere in the city of Toronto.

Synopsis: Idiosyncratic, cheeky and uncategorizable, the films of Guy Maddin are testaments to the singular vision of a great contemporary cinema artist, and Keyhole may be his boldest film yet. A surreal indoor odyssey of one man, Ulysses Pick (Jason Patric) struggling to reach his wife (Isabella Rosellini) in her bedroom upstairs, this hypnotic dreamlike journey bewilders and captivates.
There is no trailer for this film yet

Synopsis: A look at what happens when partners from different social backgrounds engage in in physical relationships.
There is no trailer for this film yet

Why excited: Not only is it black and white but it is a silent film.
Synopsis: Hollywood, 1927: As silent movie star George Valentin wonders if the arrival of talking pictures will cause him to fade into oblivion, he sparks with Peppy Miller, a young dancer set for a big break.

Synopsis: Intimate interviews and life stories of several inmates condemned to death in a Texas prison.
There is no trailer for this film yet

Synopsis: Martin, a mercenary, is sent from Europe by an mysterious biotech company to the Tasmanian wilderness on a hunt for the last Tasmanian tiger.

Synopsis: Two sisters find their relationship challenged as a nearby planet threatens to collide into the Earth.

Synopsis: A Hollywood stunt performer who moonlights as a wheelman discovers that a contract has been put on him after a heist gone wrong.

Synopsis: A land baron tries to re-connect with his two daughters after his wife suffers a boating accident.

Synopsis: Haunted by painful memories and increasing paranoia, a damaged woman struggles to re-assimilate with her family after fleeing an abusive cult.

Synopsis: Everyone knows what to do if one morning the sky would be absolutely full of UFOs: run as fast as you can. However, what would happen if the invasion started while you are in the flat of the girl of your dreams, the one you have just met?
There is no trailer for this film yet

Synopsis: A further investigation into the arrest of three teenagers who were wrongfully convicted of killing three young boys in Arkansas and spent nearly 20 years in prison before being released because DNA evidence proved their innocence.
There is no trailer for this film yet

Synopsis: Follows veteran police officer Dave Brown, the last of the renegade cops, as he struggles to take care of his family, and fights for his own survival.
There is no trailer for this film yet

Synopsis: The story of a young woman clinging on to her dream to become a beauty contest queen in a Mexico dominated by organized crime.

Synopsis: A suicide survivor works for a nameless corporation, where he puts other employees through series of bizarre performance tests in this dystopian, Tarkovsky-esque sci-fi and surreal dark fantasy, with flashes of dark humour and deep emotion.

Synopsis: A group of cooks at an asylum for the criminally insane get locked in with the inmates during a massive thunderstorm.
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Synopsis: The team behind “Baraka” reunites for another journey around the world, exploring themes of birth, death and rebirth through stunning visuals and music.
There is no trailer for this film yet

Synopsis: A drama centered on 30-something Brandon, his myriad sexual escapades, and what happens when his wayward younger sister moves in with him.
There is no trailer for this film yet

Synopsis: A mysterious underground outfit, going by the name of ALPS, offers bereaved individuals a very unusual service: they stand in for their dearly departed.