Ten years ago Hollywood graced the world with their Tobey Maguire led rendition of Spider-Man which helped pave the way for a generation of super hero movies to litter our summer line up. Then, Hollywood upped the ante and delivered upon us Spider-Man 2 which was met with critical and financial acclaim. With dollar signs in their eyes and arguably the best source material in the entire Spider-Man universe, Hollywood churned out Spider-Man 3, and came up about two feet short of home plate and was tagged out by a mob of pitchfork wielding critics and fans. Poor Hollywood retreated into its cave of remake henchmen and stewed upon the decision of what to do with the Spider-Man franchise. “We will remake it!” They cried as they threw stacks of $100 bills at each other. “Yes! And we won’t even bother with any of that Nolan-esque gritty reboot nonsense either!” And they made it so. With new directors, writers, and actors, Hollywood was ready to rock-and-roll with their shiny new Spider-Man vehicle in The Amazing Spider-Man!

And rock-and-roll they did not. I can’t imagine a more flat remake than this. It literally treads the same water as the original only more failingly. Andrew Garfield may make an arguably better Peter Parker/Spider-Man with his British-ness and super hair, but everyone forgets that in 2002, Tobey Maguire was being hailed as the true savior of all things spider related.

The Amazing Spider-Man sticks closer to the source material in that they invite Emma Stone as Gwen Stacy to the party and provides a more fleshed out and real super science corporation Oscorp versus the cartoonish one provided in 2002. But the film has the much of the same origin story as the ten year old Spider-Man.

Even if it isn’t exactly the same plot-wise as the original 2002 version, it feels the same. The film still has that sappy ham-fisted moment where everyone agrees to help Spider-Man at a moment of great need. I imagine if a Brooklynite man saw a teenager dressed in a spandex unitard shooting ropes out his wrists and limping around sixty stories overhead, they wouldn’t say, “My good gracious, that man needs our help! Quick! Frank! Help conjure the manpower needed to help this poor unitard wearing teenager in his swinging ways!”

The Amazing Spider-Man also falters with some of the action scenes as well. One particular scene that stands out as especially awkward is one where the villain, a scientist lizard-man, attacks the school Peter Parker attends in an attempt to destroy him quickly. During the whole fight, the musical score accompanying the fight is a wailing and triumphant orchestral movement that is a very strange juxtaposition of the fight scene in which Peter Parker is getting his spider face smashed into everything.

The biologist in me also cringed when the villain grabs a couple of unlabeled beakers of presumably colored water and mixes them together to form a perfectly sized explosion to knock Spider-Man out from his hiding spot. Hollywood still hasn’t grasped the concept that their audience can tell when their being spoon fed fake science. Although, I say this whilst viewing a Spider-Teenager fly around a city fighting crime. But my point is still valid!

Overall, The Amazing Spider-Man languishes in dull territory and left me wanting some grittier content over the already overcooked and cheesy Spider-Man story. It was steering towards campy but narrowly avoids it with some humor, well done special effects and close ups of Emma Stone. It simply lacks any heart. However, Hollywood knows a money maker when they see it and I’m sure there will probably be two more multimillion dollar installments of Spider-Man and we will have two more chances to see random New Yorkers delivering pancake flat lines like, “He needs our help!” Until then, I will be figuring out how to make wall demolishing explosives out of blue and green colored liquids in my nearest science classroom.

Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy comes to a close with The Dark Knight Rises and if anything the series is done being nice. Long gone are the days when little one liners would pat the audience on the back and let them know it’s going to be alright. Gone too is the series’ sense of excitement and adventure. The Dark Knight Rises is instead filled with a flat out serious tone that prevents the series from ending on a high note.

The Dark Knight Rises begins with Gotham in a grand state of peace. Essentially all organized crime led by the Joker in the previous film has been shut down with literally thousands of criminals locked up under The Harvey Dent Law. It’s been nine years since the last events took place. Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale) has become secluded to his mansion with no one seeing him for years except for his always faithful butler Alfred (exquisitely played by Michael Caine). Wayne now walks with a cane after years of crime fighting have taken their toll on his body.

We get introduced to a couple of new characters early on, one of them being Selina Kyle (Anne Hathaway). Faithful followers of comics and Batman will know her as Catwoman, the slinky sexy antihero of the Caped Crusader universe. I don’t feel guilty giving this tidbit away since virtually everyone knows this and it is revealed very early in the film. Another character we meet is beat officer John Blake (Joseph Gordon-Levitt). Levitt probably gives the best performance in the film other than Caine. Blake becomes a trusted ally of Commissioner Gordon (Gary Oldman). One of the few he can trust. Blake eventually gets promoted to the role of Detective after impressing Gordon when he hunts down certain clues that ultimately reveal what’s really happening in Gotham.

Miranda Tate, played by the luscious French vixen Marion Cotillard, is a mysterious billionaire who is trying to work with Wayne Enterprises on a new secret project that could allow Gotham to live in a more energy efficient manner. I had suspicions about her character early on, mainly because she reminded me of a character from the Batman cartoon that aired in the 90’s. However, I’m done talking about her character.

We all know by now that the main villain in Rises is the mask wearing, muscle bound brute known as Bane (Tom Hardy). Nolan’s version of Bane is a far cry from the abomination Joel Schumacher used in his terrible Batman & Robin. In that film he was a doping bumbling idiot of a bodyguard. Here he is cold, calculating and most of all, uncompromising. He is an out and out terrorist. Where he comes from and he thirst for destruction I will not reveal here as it is one of the better pieces of the film.

The opening scene of the film holds a lot of promise. It’s unfortunate that the rest of the film never quite reaches these heights, except for once. The CIA takes a few men in hoods aboard a small plane and flies them over some truly beautiful landscape. But make no mistake. This is no site seeing trip. They want to know the mystery behind Bane. Little do they know that Bane is actually one of the hooded men. All of a sudden a bigger plane is flying above them. Men drop from this second plane hooked to wires and grab onto the smaller plane eventually busting the wings off it and let it dangle like a carrot from a string. Bane makes a grand escape from this plane with a mystery man in tow.

Along with his thirst for pain and his conquest for destruction, Bane is a man made of rock. With his massive shoulders and gigantic biceps, he intimidates anyone who crosses. In most cases he would just grab someone’s head and snap their neck. He is remorseless. Where the Joker’s agenda was to playfully offer ways out of his traps for his victims while he would gleefully chuckle at their inevitable failures, Bane is here to merely destroy any kind of system. Whether it’s that of a city or that of a man’s soul, Bane simply does not care about anything or anyone. He is the meaning of destruction.

After the film’s hair raising opening, the film then settles into a weird rhythm that it unfortunately doesn’t break away from during the film’s remaining runtime. Other than one scene in the middle of the film, Rises is not exciting for a second. Gordon, one of the series’ best characters, is bed ridden for most of the runtime while he has the Levitt character running all over town for him.

The best scene of the entire film is a showdown between Batman and Bane in an underground fortress controlled by Bane and his henchmen. Nolan handles this scene with pure brilliance. Instead of letting the loud and intrusive score (by Nolan faithful Hans Zimmer) and flashy editing intrude on the scene, he lets the scene unfold in silence. Only the sounds of a waterfall ignite the soundtrack as Bane verbally and physically decimate Batman. Shots of Bane’s henchmen as they watch, almost ashamed to follow such a crass leader, are inter-spliced with the action showing how ruthless Bane truly is. The look on their faces as they watch Batman beaten to a pulp is at times hard to watch. Even they can barely watch such reprehensible evil exist.

Unfortunately after the showdown, the film settles back into a state mediocrity. The film trudges on for what feels like forever to a final conflict that feels way too sprawling for the series. I know what we are essentially watching is a comic book/superhero movie, but the final hour seems too illogical to ever really happen. Bane’s ambitions are not unimaginable, just the way he goes about them. Some of these scenes are interesting, but they always require a lot of faith from the viewer. For me it was too much. For the sake of the virgin viewer’s eyes, I will not go into detail.

After everything that happens with these climactic and insanely sensational scenes we are given a closing montage that is a little too ridiculous. One character is revealed to be a crime fighting torch bearer in a stupid wink wink moment and another is given a second life after we are lead to believe of his demise in a stupid gotcha moment. It’s too much and it feels like Nolan, who is a director who almost never comprises, has finally given in to his audience’s demands. I don’t think The Dark Knight Rises is a bad film at all. It’s very well made. All the dollar signs are on the screen and Christopher Nolan is still one of the best and brightest Hollywood directors working today. The film simply does not rise out of its consistent state of complacency. It takes itself too seriously and lacks the straight up excitement of the first two films. A summer blockbuster can be brainy and serious while it hurtles itself through explosions and vibrant action if it wants to, yes. But you still have to have fun while you do it too. Unfortunately, The Dark Knight Rises flies to close to its villain’s coattails to realize this.

It has been nearly 50 years since Thor was originally created as a comic book hero by Marvel Comics. In what seems as a last effort to milk the comic book turn movie trend, Hollywood gives us Thor. Speaking of trends in Hollywood, Thor does not seem to skimp in the product placement department (Acura being the main offender). Having never read the comic books, I can only base my review off this film. It seems fair to assume that a film would give you the proper background for those in that position. Spoiler alert, it does not.

The film takes place in Asgard, a fantasy realm where Thor (Chris Hemsworth) is about to become King in. Thor is a chiseled god whose muscles are as large as his arrogance. Odin (Anthony Hopkins) who is Thor’s father and current King, is interrupted moments before he announces the news of a new King by an attack on Asgard by the Frost Giants.

Thor is more of the act first think later type of character, which leads him to strike an attack on the Frost Giants against his father’s wishes. Thor is not the smartest god of Asgard, but I suppose you do not have to be when your special weapon is a large hammer. Odin decides to punish Thor by banishing him from Asgard to teach him to wise up. This benefits Loki (Tom Hiddleston), who is the outspoken but mischievous brother of Thor as he is now in position to become the ruler.

Thor’s banishment sends him to a small town in New Mexico. The film does not explain as to why that location but I can only presume it is because that is where the comic books sent him. Upon being transported to New Mexico he is hit by Jane Foster’s (Natalie Portman) van. Inside the van are Foster’s crew who are essentially weather chasers that have been noticing strange patterns in the sky.

Thor’s hammer also is transported to earth by Odin who renders it unless until it is in possession of a worthy persons hands. Luckily, the hammer happens to be transported close by just a little after Thor was. However, the hammer was lodged into the earth so firmly that nobody can pull it out. In an admittedly amusing scene, many of the locals make it an event to try pulling this large mysterious hammer out of the ground. But they all fail obviously because they are not worthy enough.

Jane is enthralled with Thor but does not start out on a good note. Literally moments after he is out of the hospital where Jane caused him to be after hitting him with her vehicle, take a guess at what happens again? Yep, she hits him again with her vehicle. The film is riddled with these types of cheesy, over-the-top events perhaps aimed to unsuccessfully entertain young children.

Still somehow Jane and Thor predictably fall for one another even after Thor makes a fool of himself trying to fit in on earth. Even before Thor suddenly decides to wise up and actually start helping others out, Jane seems to be in love with him. This proves that looks are clearly the most important feature. Thanks Hollywood.

Thor eventually realizes that he can use his special powers not only for his own advantage but also to help others in need. It was hard to care too much for the main character, because of how arrogant he was for most of the film. I know the idea was to ultimately show how he has grown from boyish acts to adulthood, but viewers must first have vested interest in the character before they can root for them. I suppose this a nice twist among most other comic book characters. It seems like most often the superhero is using his powers to help others before being tempted to use for their own good.

Almost always Natalie Portman’s roles in films are done fantastically, like her Oscar winning role in Black Swan. However, Thor managed to make Natalie Portman look dull and uninspired mostly with terrible dialog. I hate to say it but even her sidekick Darcy (Kat Dennings) had a much more memorable character even though her character was completely pointless other than some random comedic relief lines now and then.

Something that stood out to me was they did not go into as much detail as they could have. We see Odin without an eye but are never told how exactly that happened. Also, how did Loki just appear in the room in New Mexico then all of a sudden leave without being questioned by anyone? Why was Thor’s recently wounded face immediately heeled when he was transported back to his realm? Why did it take his hammer to transport to earth longer than it did for Thor?

At the very least, you will get a few laughs as were thrown in to perhaps keep the film watchable. But good luck trying to decipher what was meant to be funny and what was just an awful and cliché dialog that makes you laugh.

As much as I did not enjoy Thor, I cannot help but assume that if you are very into the comic book series of it that you may like this film much more. Although, my favorite film critic Roger Ebert once said that just because you like a film it does not mean that it is a good film. So perhaps hardcore fans may only better understand what is going on than actually consider it a good film.