2016 is the perfect time to make a sequel to the 2001 cult-ish classic, Zoolander. The vapid, narcissistic, pea-brained male models that populated that movie have now taken over the earth in the real world, in the form of the “selfie generation,” a bunch of real-life Derek Zoolanders, Mugatus and Hansels running around, staring at themselves like idiots in their little, digital mirrors as they dream of YouTube stardom and Kardashian-level success. I’m a big, fat, thirtysomething, generationally supplanted crank (make me young and beautiful again!) and I would love nothing more than to watch Ben Stiller and his middle-aged cohorts rip this new wave of self-obsessed monsters to shreds (too harsh?) via a new go-round with Mr. Magnum himself.

Zoolander 2 tries to do that and, and fails at all of it. Hard. Like, heartbreakingly hard. The movie opens with Justin Bieber being brutally shot to death and then taking a selfie before he peaces out. That and a selfie-stick car crash are really the only jokes we get about selfie culture, and they feel in bad taste, almost too real to laugh at (people applauded at the sight of Bieber getting shot to death in my theater, which I found to be more than a little sick). Zoolander is one of the funniest movies I’ve ever seen, its male-model characters gifting us with the some of the most glorious displays of sheer stupidity put to screen. There was orange-mocha-frappuccino; the Mer-Man commercial; the iconic “Hansel. He’s so hot right now. Hansel.” That movie was a non-stop shit show of giant laughs that I enjoy to this day, so the fact that its sequel is so unfunny and off-base is a really tough pill to swallow.

The new story picks up with Derek (Stiller) and Hansel (Owen Wilson) estranged, both from each other and the outside world. Derek’s living as a “hermit crab” in a snowy cabin somewhere in “extreme northern New Jersey;” Hansel’s living in a desert hut, in a serious relationship with an orgy of lovers (which includes Keifer Sutherland, playing a straight-faced version of himself). They were driven apart by a freak accident at the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can’t Read Good and Who Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too that killed Derek’s wife and mother of his child, Matilda (Christine Taylor, who makes a couple of brief cameos) and scarred Hansel’s face irreparably. As a single parent, Derek fails again, losing his son, Derek Jr., to child services when he “can’t remember how mom made the spaghetti soft,” depriving his son of nourishment completely, apparently.

Derek and Hansel make up and reunite when they’re beckoned by the world’s latest, greatest designer, Don Atari (SNL’s Kyle Mooney, whose interpretation of passive-aggressive hipster youths is the movie’s highlight) to walk the runway in his ultra-hip garb. The joke’s on them when they’re shoved onto the runway in cheap shirts with the words “OLD” and “LAME” printed on them and they’re ridiculed by their glitzy, fresh-faced onlookers. The world’s passed them by (sob). There’s a larger, more pressing issue, however: There’s been a string of celebrity murders being investigated by the Fashion Police, led by Valentina (Penelope Cruz), who believes Derek has the key to finding the people responsible. Derek agrees, as long as she helps him reunite with his lost son.

The plot’s as uninteresting and flat as it sounds, a trashy send-up of the international spy thriller that chose to spoof that genre seemingly arbitrarily. But all that could be quickly forgiven with some good, solid comedy. Alas, Zoolander 2 isn’t funny, not one bit. The botch is in the approach: Stiller, who directed and co-wrote with Justin Theroux, Nicholas Stoller and John Hamburg, makes that godawful mistake most bad sequels make, attempting to emulate and bottle the magic of the first movie. This never works, and the fact that it’s now 15 years since Zoolander was released only makes things worse: Comedy has evolved many times over since 2001, and the same tricks don’t work anymore. A character being woefully uneducated and small-brained, for example, has been taken to new levels by, say, a show like It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia (Charlie Kelly is the new king of dumb-funny). For this second installment to really work, it would have needed to reach new levels of stupid, in a sense. Instead, it reaches new depths of disappointing, leaning on nostalgia and old, worn-out tricks. Watching Derek go on a joy ride “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” was funny the first time, but not so much in 2016.

There’s a freaking ass-load of celebrity cameos in this thing, and not one of them is worth the dough it cost to get them on-screen. Sting pops up. Arianna Grande’s in there. Katy Perry. Benedict Cumberbatch. Billy Zane returns. Will Ferrell‘s back as walking bitch-fest Mugatu, and he’s even joined by Kristen Wiig, playing his vaguely European partner in crime, but even they seem off their game. None of these or the myriad other appearances are amusing and, in fact, they’re a bit uncomfortable to watch. Neil Degrasse Tyson shows up to say, directly at the camera, “I’m Neil Degrasse Tyson…BITCH!” Ooh! A respected educator and astrophysicist cursed! The moment’s clearly designed to make audiences explode in applause; instead, it only elicits groans and eye-rolls. We’re familiar with these cheap parlor tricks and we’re ready for something new, and all Stiller gives us is a regurgitated mess.

Owen Wilson and Ben Stiller made a guest appearance during Paris Fashion Week on the Valentino runway to announce the return of the ridiculously good-looking duo, Hansel and Derek Zoolander, in Zoolander 2.

The original movie is about the vapid but good-hearted male models that are hooked into a ploy to assassinate the Prime Minister of Malaysia (or the slightly less offensive Micronesia as it’s stated in the edited movies released in Malaysia and Singapore). With a cast including Milla Jovovich, Jerry Stiller, David Duchovny, Jon Voight, and Vince Vaughn, there were also waves of cameos in the first film such as Donald Trump, Victoria Beckham, David Bowie, and Billy Zane.

Talks of a sequel have been in the works since at least 2008 but things are finally starting to look solid. It will be written and directed by Justin Theroux who is known for his writing credits on Tropic Thunder, Iron Man 2, and Rock of Ages, and he also played the Evil DJ in the first movie. So far, it looks as if Will Ferrell and Christine Taylor will be returning to reprise their roles. Penelope Cruz is also confirmed to be signed on for the film.

Filming will begin in Rome at Cinecitta Studios this Spring and will be released on February 12th, 2016.

Watch Derek and Hansel at Paris Fashion Week below.

Sergio Castellitto’s adaptation of his wife Margaret Mazzantini’s novel, Twice Born is an overwrought romantic melodrama set in the Bosnian conflict that features two fine actors turning in sick-day performances. The Italian actor-turned-director fails to draw anything substantial out of his stars Penelope Cruz (who he worked with on his previous film, Don’t Move, another adaptation of a Mazzantini novel) and Emile Hirsch, though the unbelievably phony dialog would stumble up even the best of thesps. The egregious absence of chemistry between the leads is damaging enough to sink the film by itself, but unfortunately the problems don’t stop there.

The mostly English-language picture employs both a present-day storyline and lengthy flashbacks in the life of Gemma (Cruz), an Italian with a suspiciously Spanish-sounding accent. Cruz shows the occasional glimmer of her greatness in the role, but she’s capable of so much more. In the flashbacks, Gemma falls for Diego (Hirsch), a globetrotting American photographer who’s one of those loud, grating, hyper-optimistic types that thinks he’s more charming and funny than he is. Hirsch’s forced enthusiasm is only magnified by the borderline-idiotic dialog. “The world’s going to hell, baby. And we’re going down with it.” The age disparity between Cruz and Hirsch is distracting (he’s got a baby face), especially when talks of starting a family arise.

As Sarajevo crumbles around Gemma and Diego, so does their relationship, a metaphor that would be effective if only it were handled with more integrity. The distasteful depiction of the siege of Sarajevo is at times reprehensibly insensitive; at one point a young man is gunned down in the streets while and his friend sentimentally says that “he fell like an artist.” Really? The conflict serves as a manipulative backdrop for the couple’s relationship, and though the script tries desperately to make the metaphor work, it feels shoehorned and iffy at best, resulting in a jumbled narrative. It’s also never clarified what caused all of the chaos. Who’s firing at who, and why? More insight into the origin of the siege would have been appreciated.

In the present-day storyline, a middle-aged Gemma, invited by her old friend Gojko (Adnan Haskivic, a handsome cheeseball), returns to Bosnia, where her son, Pietro (Pietro Castellitto) was born. The angsty 16-year-old finds the idea of exploring his origins repulsive, and wants nothing to do with the memory of his biological father. At this point the story devolves into a “who’s the daddy?” mystery, and while the revelations late in the film are shocking, the road to get there is arduous and drawn-out (the 2 hour running time feels inflated.)

Supporting players Haskivic and Saadet Aksoy (whose character is a key factor in Gemma and Diego’s downfall) surprisingly out-act the leads, exuding the free-wheeling spunk and charisma Hirsch is grasping so desperately for. Thankfully, they both get a significant amount of screen time, which softens the blow of Hirsch and Cruz’s awkward encounters (the love scenes are laughable.)

Another notable strength of the film is the slick imagery, courtesy of DP Gianfilippo Corticelli, who uses slow-motion shots stylishly and appropriately (a sequence with Cruz dancing in a puddle as Hirsch photographs her is stunning.) The recreation of Sarajevo by art designer Francesco Frigeri is equally staggering and beautiful. It’s a shame the rest of the team didn’t hold up their end of the bargain.

Returning to his absurdist comedy roots after taking years off, Pedro Almodóvar keeps it (mostly) playful with his unfiltered, druggy, cocktail-crazy sex party in the sky, I’m So Excited.

90 percent of the film is set on an airplane stranded in the clouds—one of the landing gears has been damaged (by the bumbling Antonio Banderas and Penelope Cruz in the film’s brief tone-setting prologue). The pilots search desperately for a solution for their dire predicament while three unflappably optimistic, gay flight attendants (Javier Camara, Carlos Areces, and Raul Arevalo, like a bitchy three-headed dog of fabulousness) attempt to keep the business class passengers’ spirits high despite the morbid situation that needles them. The economy class passengers? They’ve been drugged to sleep, ignorant of the impending danger (Almodóvar’s take on the Spanish proletariat).

Now, back to the business class folks. They’re a pill-popping, sex-starved freak show of sleaze. Lola Dueñas, an Almodóvar alumnus, plays a perpetually grinning 40-year-old-virgin psychic who can “smell death” and enhances her “powers” by groping a pair of male genitalia like a forklift driver. The rest of the weirdos include an assassin, a whore queen, and young newlyweds who have sleepwalk-sex right in their seats. “Shhhh!” the young husband—afraid his wife will be jostled from her sleep-state—snips to the vocally curious Dueñas, who is sitting right by them, fascinated by their lovemaking. From her inexperienced sexual perspective, she sees the couple’s amorous display as an impromptu sex-ed class. “What is it?!” the husband snips, hilariously, in between moans. “Are you doing it from the front or the back?” inquires Dueñas. That’s Almodóvar for you. Bawdy moments like this are plentiful and infectiously funny.

The film’s title refers to its brilliantly camp, wildly choreographed dance number performed by the three flight attendants, set to the classic Pointer Sisters tune. The trio is so committed to their flamboyance and semi-synchronized dance moves that you’ll be dying to jump into the screen, grab a Valencia cocktail, and join in on the fun. It’s joyously sloppy Cabaret.

Theatricality is the name of the game here, as all of the scenes on the plane feel like a filmed stage play (in a good, kinetic way, though not terribly cinematic). Almodóvar feels like early ‘80s Almodóvar, the guy who directed outlandish shock-fests like Pepi, Luci, Bom… This is a good thing, but while the in-your-face crudeness of his early work is very much present and potent here, the dramatic beats—there are more than you’d expect—don’t leave a lasting impression. The scattered tender moments (however melodramatic) are constantly elbowed aside by the gags, which are tastier and easily digestible. Even the parabolic commentary on Spain (something Almodóvar spends much time on) is overshadowed by the raunchy, “Fuck you, you’re gonna love this shit” humor. There’s a love story mixed up in here somewhere, but all I can think about is the scene when Lola Dueñas rapes a guy (gasp)!

Has Almodóvar’s filthy comedic mind lost its edge during his extended respite? No—his edge is sharp, and he’s still fiendishly provocative, no question. He had me constantly shaking my head in disbelief at the dirty things he got me to laugh at. What keeps I’m So Excited from being one of his very best is that the narrative threads running throughout the film, while ambitious and well-acted, ultimately add very little to the overall experience. Though the film’s half-hearted narrative is underwhelming, the rowdy airborne shenanigans, bitch-fest dialog, and irresistible cast will grab you by the face and give you a big smooch you won’t soon forget.

David Lynch fans rejoice, soon there will be nearly an hour of deleted scenes from Blue Velvet. Deleted scenes from the cult classic 1986 noir Blue Velvet were found on the blu-ray edition of the film but have recently made their way to YouTube. [Dangerous Minds]

Penelope Cruz has been confirmed for upcoming Ridley Scott and Pedro Almodovar films. Her extensive previous work with director Pedro Almodovar makes the news less surprising but still welcoming. The name of the film will be called Standby Lovers. She will join the cast of Ridley Scott’s The Counselor which is comprised of huge names including Michael Fassbender, Brad Pitt, Cameron Diaz, and Javier Bardem. [The Playlist]

Images from Michel Gondry’s upcoming French production Mood Indigo surfaced this week. Audrey Tatou (Amelie) will be the lead in the adaptation of Boris Vian’s 1947 novel Froth On The Daydream. The stills definitely appear to have Gondry’s creative touch to them. [Twitch]

Philip Seymour Hoffman goes agentless after leaving Paradigm after 18 years with the agency. Aside from appearing Paul Thomas Anderson’s The Master he just finished a role which director Mike Nichols has said may be the most taxing stage role on an actor. [Deadline]

Rumors have been circling that Emma Watson and Ray Winstone could star in Darren Aronofsky’s Biblical epic Noah. According to Deadline Ray Winstone may get a villain role in the film to go opposite of Russell Crowe. Emma Watson is apparently in talks to play Ila, a young woman who befriends Noah’s son, Shem. [Deadline]

The special animated companion to Moonrise Kingdom is now available to watch online for free. This Wes Anderson animated short does not contain any spoilers to Moonrise Kingdom therefore do not be hesitant to watch it if you have not seen the film yet. [EW]

The female cast from Your Sisters Sister sat down for an interview with Coming Soon to talk about the process of developing characters and how much of the film was improvised. One of the most amazing facts is that the entire crew for the film was only 16 people (and the film was shot in just 12 days). The whole interview is worth reading and if you haven’t read our review of Your Sisters Sister check it out now. [Coming Soon]

Volver could probably pass as a good Spanish soap opera. The film by talented director Pedro Almodóvar is about a predominantly female family and how they deal with situations that unfold. This melodrama contains all of Almodóvar’s trademarks; female focused, flawed human beings, consistent color palette, and plot twists. It just was not comprised together as well as his other films.

We are introduced to the entire family at the beginning of the film. Standing over their mother and father’s grave are sisters Raimunda (Penélope Cruz) and Sole (Lola Dueñas). They are trying to keep the grave clean of flying debris on a day that is about as windy as the day their parents died from the strong wind blowing fire that led to their death.

The two sisters and Raimunda’s daughter Paula (Yohana Cobo) leave the cemetery to go visit Aunt Paula (kind of confusing, I know). Aunt Paula can barely see or walk so it is to their surprise when they see an exercise bike in her bathroom. How could see use it if she can hardly walk? As they leave there are handmade deserts she prepared for them. But how could she bake if she can hardly see?

These are questions that Pedro side steps for the first act of the film. They are hinted at but not revealed until later. Although, the answer to this is not necessarily a spoiler, it is better to let Pedro do the answering.

Raimunda is headed home from her shift from the airport when she is greeted by Paula. This is not a regular occurrence so she knows that something is wrong but the real give-away is the blank face Paula has on her face. She cannot form the words to construct a sentence but when she is does it is haunting.

She explains to her mom that her drunken father came on to her in the kitchen. He recites that he is not the father in order to somehow make it justifiable to have sex with her. She pleads with him to stop but when he does not she pulls out a knife and ends up stabbing him to death.

As if Raimunda does not have enough to deal with she receives a phone call about another death that is close to her. Sole informs her that their Aunt Paula has passed away. She can barely focus on the news as the dead man on the floor of her kitchen remains her top priority.

You would assume that the film is leading you down the path of a murder-mystery-cover up but that tangent fades about as quickly as it begins. Instead Volver splits into a few directions, Raimunda successfully runs a restaurant but without permission. Sole gets help with her illegal hair salon business from a person you would least expect. The common centerpiece is the interactions amongst the family members.

Pedro loves to use the color of red, the color was all over Broken Embraces and Volver was no exception. From purses, to buses, clothing, tomatoes, furniture, and vehicles, the red hue is everywhere. The reasoning here is obvious, the red symbolizes blood and passion. It is becoming a trademark of Pedro’s.

Penelope Cruz was nominated for an Oscar for her performance as Raimunda. However, the entire cast did so well that the female ensemble shared the Best Actress award at Cannes. Also at Cannes, the film itself was nominated for the Palme d’Or.

Volver is ultimately a melodrama about how death can be dealt with by forgiveness and acceptance. The biggest issue with this film for me was not that it was not as hard hitting as his other work but that it went off on some unneeded tangents. It may not be the most solid Almodóvar script but that does not mean the film is not worth a watch.

Broken Embraces is a foreign film from the highly acclaimed Spanish director Pedro Almodovar about passion and obsession. The film centers around a filmmaker who falls in love with an actress who is the producer’s mistress. The plot slowly unravels itself in a way that would make Hitchcock proud. It is shot in a way that you not only are watching one Almodovar film but two as there is a movie-within-a-movie.

Mateo Blanco (Lluis Homar) is a famous director who was fantasized being another person. He created an alter ego of Henry Caine when he became blind and transformed into being a writer. Caine relies on Judit (Blanca Portillo) and her son Diego (Tamar Novas) to take care of him at his home. Judit has always been by Caine’s side, even before he became blind as she was a production manager for him on his films.

At the very beginning we learn that a wealthy man named Ernesto Martel has died but have no clue as to who that person is. The film then jumps around from past and present to learn about Ernesto Martel and why his death is so important to Caine. During all the flashbacks we are introduced to a host of side characters and the different sides of Mateo Blanco/Henry Caine.

One day a young name named Ray X (Ruben Ochandiano) makes an appointment to talk to Caine about making a screenplay for him. Ray X insists that Caine should do the screenplay but Caine was not sold on the story and tells him that he is not the right person to write it. After he leaves he has Diego look at old production photos because he has a hunch that he has met Ray X before. Sure enough, there is a photo of the two together on a set.

Back when Caine went by Mateo Blanco, he was beginning his work on what would be his final film Girls and Suitcases. This is when he was introduced to Ernesto’s mistress, Lena (Penelope Cruz). Lena has been living with the wealthy Ernesto Martel for the past two years but wanted to get back into the working environment. Mateo fell in love with Lena at first sight.

Martel is nervous that he is losing Lena so he hires his son to follow Lena around on the set of the film. Armored with a video camera himself, the son is follows orders by filming Lena becoming an actress. Although the reason for this is so that Martel can keep an eye on Lena, the son makes a documentary out of it.

His suspicions turned out to be accurate as Lena falls for Mateo. The footage his son captured of the two proved that. Being that Martel is the producer of the film, makes the whole situation very messy. Martel’s passion for Lena does not go unnoticed.

Almodovar deliberately uses the color red virtually everywhere throughout the film. It is found in obvious places such as lipstick but also in more carefully selected places such as the paintings, furniture and a lot of the clothing. The liberal use of the color red is no doubt in effort to show how much love and passion all the characters possess.

I have started backwards in viewing Pedro Almodovar’s work, the first film I saw of his was his most recent film The Skin I Live In which ended up being my favorite film of 2011. He has incredible talent in filmmaking and storytelling that makes it easy to see why he is one of the most acclaimed Spanish directors of all time. He is becoming one of my favorite foreign directors. I eagerly wait to see Vovler, Bad Education and Talk To Her which are the next three films in the reverse order I am viewing them in.

The first 90 minutes of Broken Embraces was brilliant, character development heavy with a great thriller plotline. In the last 30 minutes of the film the story arc was mostly completed thus the rushed ending failed to be climatic. It was a little disappointing that the last part of the film did not finish as strong as it began. The film still was impressive to watch thanks to Almodovar’s magnificent style.