A natural reaction towards conflict is avoiding the threat by escaping, a common theme found within Matt Porterfield’s indie drama I Used to Be Darker. It is hard to say if the film achieves what it intends to, because frankly I am not confident what the true intentions are. Porterfield seems content with focusing on the music and family drama while mostly ignoring exposition of the characters. The end result is a film that feels very natural given the non-actors and realistic situations, but also one that is too subtle to be truly effective.

For reasons not revealed until the very end, Taryn (Deragh Campbell) decides to visit her aunt and uncle’s at their home in Baltimore. Her unexpected visit comes at an incredibly inconvenient time for the husband and wife as they are in the middle of a separation, though they do their best to accommodate their guest despite their marriage problems. Taryn’s cousin Abby (Hannah Gross) is understandably having a difficult time dealing with her parent’s separation; most evident when she attempts to make waffles at her father’s house only to realize that the waffle maker is now at her mother’s, resulting in verbal outbursts and an emotional breakdown. Needless to say, this puts Taryn in an awkward position to come forth with her own issues.

The fact that Taryn’s uncle Bill (Ned Oldham) and aunt Kim (Kim Taylor) are musicians plays a very crucial role in the film. Not only does it serve as a dramatic plot point when Kim starts to sleep with a member of her band, but it naturally benefits the film when they preform musical interludes—which end up being the most memorable scenes the film has to offer. While it is easy to tell that the two are talented musicians in real-life—the soundtrack is undeniably good—their lack of acting experience is equally as obvious.

There are plenty of long takes in I Used to Be Darker and for the most part they work well in capturing the different states of emotion these characters go through. Specifically, the long takes allows us to see when the characters cross over into their breakdown stage. The best example of this is when Bill sings and calmly strums an acoustic song for a full 3 minutes before standing up and violently smashing his guitar in half. But there are some uses of the long takes that loiter enough for the storyline to stall and ultimately become tiresome.

The deliberate pacing and lack of dynamic range makes I Used to Be Darker a demanding film to sit through, especially considering the payoff is nonexistent. The emotional punch the film aims for feels more like a gentle nudge because the characters are not as interesting as the situation they are in, thus there is very little reason to care about them when we are asked to. There are some qualities about I Used to Be Darker that can be appreciated from a technical standpoint, but the film is too underwhelming to leave a lasting impression.

I Used to Be Darker trailer:

This is my first time at a large film festival. I honestly arrived not knowing what to expect. Albeit, I have been in and about the independent film community for several years now, and have had my taste of low profile, fledgling films on a local and regional level; but nothing like this.

What I have always loved about independent film and those who are involved with the art is the energy. The excitement. Sure, it can be glamorous, and everyone dreams of red carpets and photo backdrops, but in the end we are here because we belong. It’s a convention of the craft. Everyone here is present to either hear or tell a story, possibly–and likely–both. The film festival is a stepping stone. Whether it is the first or the last depends on the artists dreams and ambitions; but for everyone here, this has been a goal at one point or another and we are here to celebrate the accomplishment of ” getting there.”

Berlin brought me on board in a pool of sunshine–a welcome in the midst of the typical cloudy German winter. I walked to my hostel from the Bellevue S-Bahn station loaded with gear and clothes to last the 11 days of the festival, checked in to my modest 15 Euro a night room, and made my way to the press center at the Hyatt Berlin right across form the Berlinale Palast where many of the films will premiere. Having been a journalist for the past two and a half years, it is a warm welcome to finally enter a media circus that has a positive focus.

After receiving my credentials, I spent much of the afternoon getting my bearings. Certain press screenings require nothing more that a flash of the credentials, while other higher profile films require you to obtain press tickets a couple of days in advance, and certain tickets are only available at the specific venue on the day of the screening. Fortunately most of the venues are all centered around the Berlinale Palast and press center. I grabbed my tickets for the the red carpet events I wanted to attend between Thursday and Friday–most notably being Don Jon’s Addiction, the feature directorial debut of Joseph Gordon-Levitt–and made my way to the theater.

The regular program for the first day of the festival only included three films in the regular competition, and much of the hubbub was for Wong Kar Wai’s film, The Grandmaster, a Kung Fu epic. Visually breathtaking, the film juxtaposes the external actions of the characters with their own internal struggles.

I Used to be Darker

My first press screening for the festival was for the film, I Used to be Darker from Matt Porterfield. The film tells the story of nineteen year old Taryn, who ran away from her home in Ireland to work the boardwalk in Ocean City, New Jersey. After discovering she is pregnant, she rushes to Baltimore where her aunt, uncle, and cousin live. Upon her arrival, she realizes this family–which she has always pictured as ideal–is in the midst of being torn apart. Her aunt and uncle are in the beginning stages of a separation, while her cousin, whom she has always been able to relate to, is rejecting her parents and the lie she feels she has been told all her life.

The film strives on long takes, which is fun to see after years of fast cutting films. The pace brings a powerful sense of melancholy to the film, and gives the audience the time to reflect on the moment along with the characters. Profoundly long periods of silence also add to this effect, some lasting nearly 10 minutes without a word of dialog as the characters interact with their environment and emotions. Original musical interludes serve as soliloquy, as well as providing an enjoyable soundtrack.

In all, not much is resolved in I Used to be Darker, and the piece serves more as a “slice of life” style of portraiture. The audience is able to poke their heads into the world of the characters, witness this period of conflict, and then return home. We are not left with unanswered questions, because no real questions were raised. Well produced and finely executed, I Used to be Darker is an enjoyable film on a technical level, though I would have liked to have seen more epiphany within the characters.

RATING: 6.8

COMING UP: Friday, things really take off at Berlinale with the screenings press conferences of Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s Don Jon’s Addiction, Gus Van Sant’s Promised Land, and Ulrich Seidl’s Paradise: Hope. All three are much anticipated films from familiar faces on the film circuit. It will be great to see what direction these filmmakers are taking to define themselves in early twenty-first century cinema.