In Hollywood, anyone can be a star. A random spot-check of TV listings will reveal numerous entries of reality TV shows. What defines “reality” is up for debate, but the M.O. of these shows is the same: point cameras at people willing to make spectacles of themselves and broadcast those spectacles into millions of homes, then watch as the shiniest of those spectacles become famous. Ten minutes into those fifteen minutes of fame, the public forgets what the fuss was in the first place, which marks these shiny spectacles as being famous for, well, being famous.

On the internet, anyone is a critic. Facebook timelines, comments sections, and Twitter feeds are supersaturated with opinions about Hollywood, and thanks to the anonymity the internet provides, those opinions can get downright nasty. The seedier side of the internet is a breeding ground for spreading sex tape footage, hacked selfies, and wardrobe malfunctions like glittery pandemics.

Still, just as the internet needs Hollywood to provide an endless supply of attention-craving narcissists to feed it, Hollywood needs the internet for its perpetual (and free) promotion of said narcissists. This wickedly dysfunctional relationship is at the core of director Martin Owen’s L.A. Slasher.

The film, penned by Owen and four others, tells the tale of a criminal who goes by the self-appointed name “The L.A. Slasher” (voiced by Andy Dick). The Slasher, donned in a white suit and wearing a mask that looks like a face with all its features smoothed down to nothing, is abducting members of the famous-for-being-famous set. As these serial events continue, the Slasher goes from villain to hero in the eyes of the public; the general consensus, as captured by an eager TV news reporter (Abigail Wright) is that the world is better off without these reality-show-hacks, whose fame was achieved not by hard work or even talent, but simply by being famous.

L.A. Slasher wants to be one of those smart, edgy social satires like Dan Gilroy’s Nightcrawler. In fact, there’s a quote from Nightcrawler that is actually quite damning of L.A. Slasher. In Nightcrawler, Louis Bloom (Jake Gyllenhaal) says, “My motto is if you want to win the lottery you’ve got to make money to get a ticket.” This is what Owen and almost everyone else involved in his picture fail to understand: you have to do the work to get the reward. Even something as luck-driven as the lottery requires some degree of effort to get to that place. Owen never does the work in this film, but he wants the reward. The net result is not a winning ticket, but instead video hate-mail—a film that feels like it was built upon (and fueled by) the comments sections of the internet’s most notorious posts.

Good seeds are there. His victimized characters, all reality show types, are nameless and only identified by their primary characteristic. There is The Stripper (Marissa Lauren), The Teen Mom (Tori Black), The Socialite (Korrina Rico), The Heiress (Elizabeth Morris), The Actress (Mischa Barton), and so on. It isn’t necessarily original (think of the theme song to Gilligan’s Island), but it’s terribly fitting. These characters aren’t supposed to be actual people; they are only supposed to represent the types of people who populate the reality worlds.

That said, the good seeds are washed away by Owen’s inability to develop clever caricatures out of these folks. Instead, he falls back on generating lazy stereotypes, giving his characters nothing to do but take selfies and take to Twitter, both of which would be fine if they photographed or tweeted anything worth paying attention to. Also not worth paying attention is the traditional (read: not social) media. Abigail Wright’s The Reporter is mostly inert, but it’s William Nicol’s CBuzz Host (think TMZ jacked on stimulants) who takes the prize, with bro-dude dialogue and mannerisms that become insufferable before his hair gel dries.

With absolutely no protagonist to care about (including the anti-hero Drug Dealers played by Danny Trejo and Dave Bautista, whose characters are entirely unnecessary and unable to provide the comic relief they were clearly created to provide), all that remains is the villain. All that remains is The Slasher.

Again Owen fails to make the money to buy the lottery ticket. Despite supposedly being motivated by the reality show culture, there are no layers to The Slasher. There is no wondering what makes The Slasher tick. The Slasher, like the other nameless characters in this film, is painted with broad, bland strokes (white suit, creepy mask, obsession with fame), only he’s injected with a baseless hate for a specific celebrity type that feels like Angry Twitter started a GoFundMe campaign to make revenge porn. It’s Bad Guy 101 at its worst: a villain who doesn’t have something weighty to say, only something lengthy.

Owen’s greatest sin, though, is being so enamored with his own direction that he routinely sacrifices narrative flow for the sake of a cool shot or an extended music video-style scene where nothing happens but loud music and dancing. It’s nothing more than artistic preening, saved only by Chase Bowman’s superb cinematography.

L.A. Slasher is quite ironic, really. Owen targets those who have done nothing to gain their fame, but he does so by doing as little as possible. The film isn’t satire; it’s insult disguised as intellect, and once the glossy, music video veneer is stripped away, all that remains is an 85-minute hate tweet.

When approaching my critique of Machete Kills—Robert Rodriguez‘s second entry into the eponymous character’s bloody B-movie saga that started with a fake trailer and continued in 2010’s Machete–I made the firm decision to not deny my inner 9-year-old that was having an absolute blast in the theater. Sure, I could poke and prod at the film’s cheap-o special effects, poor acting (only in some cases–there are strong performances here), and asinine plot, but wouldn’t that be missing the point? To be distracted by the film’s “faults” (many of which, like in other Rodriguez offerings, imbue the film with a sense of big fun) would hinder me from mining Machete Kills‘ many riches–spectacular violence, gleefully shameless cameos, tasteless zinger-happy dialog, a bad-ass anti-hero, and a villain who is more fantastic than he has any right to be.

Machete (Danny Trejo) is recruited (against his will) by the president of the United States (Carlos Estevez, a peculiarly familiar face…) to stop a maniac Mexican warlord (a scene-stealing Demian Bichir) from launching a nuclear strike on Washington D.C. He’s been promised–if he’s successful–U.S. citizenship and a clean record. On his action-packed mission, he encounters allies and enemies both new and old (all played by a bucketload of A and B-list celebs) and wreaks blood-splattered havoc along the U.S.-Mexican border. The killing spree leads Machete to the mastermind behind it all–a diabolical tech wizard played earnestly and hilariously by an on-point Mel Gibson.

Again, I’m not going to deny my inner child in my critique, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to give the film’s flaws a pass. I acknowledge that Rodriguez’s game isn’t to make movie Mona Lisas, but even if we play by his rules, he fumbles the ball quite a bit. A lot of the gags–including a lot of the one-liners Trejo unenthusiastically mutters (“Machete don’t text”)–aren’t funny, period. In an awful scene, Michelle Rodriguez–playing Machete’s old ally, Luz–sniffs him (after he’s gotten busy with a girl hours earlier) and says she smells “fish taco”. Lady Gaga, Cuba Gooding Jr., Antonio Banderas, and Walton Goggins play the same character (an un-cleverly conceived villain called El Camaleón), and with the exception of Goggins (he’s good in everything), the cameos are an utter waste, amounting to a parade of idiotic posing (Gaga) and a lame joke of against-type casting (Gooding Jr. and Banderas) that’s clichéd and isn’t funny for a second. Sofia Vergara plays a sadomasochist who yells and shoots bullets out of her tits and vagina, a gag that was much funnier in Austin Powers 16 years ago.

The good news is, the major players in the film–Trejo, Gibson, Bichir, and a sizzling Amber Heard–are unbelievably entertaining, committing to the material with all their hearts. Unlike the rest of the cast, they don’t play it like a joke; from Bichir’s mad-man schizo lunacy, to Heard’s luscious sexuality (and perfect Spanish accent), to Gibson’s Oscar-mode performance, the quality of work these actors offer up is, frankly, surprising. Gibson is so good at being evil here one wonders why he hasn’t been cast in the villain role more often. Trejo’s dialog delivery isn’t on-par with his top-tier co-stars, but visually, physically, he embodies everything a testosterone craved moviegoer wants in an action hero.

With a title like Machete Kills, the death scenes had better be spectacular, and boy do they deliver. Rodriguez’s Mortal Kombat style violence engages the same twisted area of the imagination young boys use when blowing their action figures to smithereens with bb guns or melting their army men to puddles of plastic with matches in the backyard. It’s sadistic, sure, but it’s all in good fun. Heads roll, bullets rip flesh, innards explode (courtesy of a sci-fi gun that turns objects inside-out), and faces get melted (just like the army men!), but the most entertaining kills are the inventive ones. My personal favorite is one in which Machete latches himself to a spinning propeller of a helicopter with a grappling hook, sticks his machete out (there’s a dick joke in there, for sure), and lobs of the heads of a dozen or so baddies like some sort of gruesome, demonic carnival ride.

Rodriguez cleverly avoids showing graphic sex (be sure to bring your 3-D glasses!), though there are plenty of scantily clad ladies running around to satiate all you horn-dogs out there (I, as an esteemed journalist, am obviously not interested in such naughty things). The film bookends with trailers for the next film in the series, Machete Kills Again: In Space, keeping the spirit of the original “fake” trailer alive while nostalgically recalling the days of grainy VHS tapes, and I’ll be happy to make the trip out to the theater to watch Machete hack and slash again. The appeal of Rodriguez’s ’70s grindhouse influenced films like Machete Kills is bound to wear thin one day, but not today.

Starting as the character “Uncle Machete” in the first Spy Kids movie in 2001, DIY director Robert Rodriguez and legitimate badass Danny Trejo have breathed life into the character we now know as Machete, a Mexican anti-hero, bringer of over-the-top violence, and unlikely vixen magnet. A “fake” trailer in Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino’s Grindhouse double-feature led to the character’s first headlining feature, 2010’s Machete, a no-holds-barred breed of action flick that retains the same crass ’70s grindhouse aesthetic of Rodriguez and Tarantino’s collaboration. Machete returns in Machete Kills, a balls-to-the-wall sequel full of the craziest action scenes and death sequences you’ll likely see all year.

Machete himself, Danny Trejo, sat to chat with us during a roundtable interview about the origins of the character, his favorite death scene, how Machete appeals to kids, Mel Gibson, Carlos Estevez, other projects he’s got in the works, and more.

Machete Kills opens this Friday, October 11th

Press: The film bookends with a teaser trailer for a possible next film. Were you conscious of including these trailers, or was it more of an afterthought?
Trejo: The whole movie was an afterthought! (laughs) When [Robert Rodriguez] and I were doing Desperado, he saw the way I deal with people, [how I] mingle. I would be walking around Acuna, Mexico with no shirt, going into the barrio, eating at people’s houses and stuff. He says, “Danny, everybody [here] thinks you’re the star of [Desperado].” Nobody knew Antonio Banderas. I said, “You mean I’m not [the star]!?” He told me all about this character, Machete. He said, “[The character] is you. You don’t even have to act!” We talked about it, and when we got to doing Spy Kids, we thought, let’s name him “Uncle Machete”. We did it, and we thought, even if we never do [a Machete film], at least we put him in this movie.

Everybody has that uncle that nobody knows what he does. Especially Mexicanos! (laughs) We did Spy Kids, and then [came] Grindhouse, and they needed a fake trailer. Robert said, “Boy, do I have a fake trailer!” We did the fake trailer, and when the audience came out of the theater, nobody even mentioned Grindhouse. They loved [that trailer], man! Me and Robert talked about it, and we said man, we gotta make this movie. The audience demands it. We did the first Machete, and if you look, it’s one of the first times I’ve ever seen everything that was in the trailer in the movie. Usually, you’ll see something in the trailer, and then it’s like, “Hey! It wasn’t in the movie!” After we finished Machete, Robert thought there was something missing, and he said, “I know! Machete Kills!” and that’s how we got this film.

Press: Do you think Machete is like a response to Desperado?
Trejo: I think it’s that genre. Making Westerns is very expensive, to get horses to do [all these things]. We got as close as we could to a Western without horses! Desperado was as Western as you could get without horses. One of these days, I’ll try to talk Robert into doing a Western. He’ll probably go crazy. I did a Western called Dead in Tombstone with Mickey Rourke [that’s out now]. Dina Meyer from Starship Troopers and Michael C. Hall from Dexter are in it, and everybody really did [great]. This was a hard movie to shoot because we were in Romania, it was cold, and they had the best Western town I’d ever seen. Roel Reine, the director, directed me in Death Race 2 and 3, so he knew how I liked to work. I move, you know? Don’t keep me in the trailer, because I’ll go crazy! If you’re al wet and muddy, it’s not so bad when you’re moving.

WTI: The movie is over-the-top, with violence, guns, sex–let’s be honest, that’s what everybody wants! As I was watching the film, I couldn’t deny the 9-year-old in me who was going absolutely nuts over it. In a weird way, Machete appeals to kids, would you agree?
Trejo: Absolutely. It’s a fun movie. There’s no big social comment. It’s just, “Let’s kick some ass!” My mom wanted to go see Machete. She didn’t even think I had a job! I said, “Mom, I’m an actor!” Then, I did three episodes of The Young and the Restless, and it was like she and her grey-haired friends thought I won an Oscar. I took her to see Machete, and I was about to be onscreen with the two girls in the lake. I said, “Mom, you might not want to…” and she said, “Shut up! I’m watching this!” Robert and Quentin Tarantino were behind me, and to see my mom [freaking out], they couldn’t stop laughing.

Press: To switch gears, let’s talk about your work on Breaking Bad. How was that character proposed to you? It was only in a few episodes, but it makes such a huge impact on the show.
Trejo: Gloria, my agent, got the [offer], and she said, “Do you want to do a Hollywood first? Your head will go across the desert on a turtle.” It was a lot of fun. We did that episode, and it was received so well that we had to do the backstory.

Press: Which of Machete’s kills in the film is your favorite?
Trejo: The helicopter. I mentioned to Robert something about a helicopter, and there are three helicopter deaths in the movie! My mom was 84, and we were watching it. I take three guys’ heads off with one shot of a machete, but everybody laughs because of the way the heads bounce. Robert makes the violence funny. Even though its violence, you know it’s not real and you take it seriously.

WTI: Do you help Robert come up with these death scenes?
Trejo: He doesn’t need help. I was trying to get a hold of Robert before we did Machete, when we were putting it together. I called and called him, and finally I ran into him at Comic Con. “Robert! I’ve been calling you! Why don’t you answer your phone!” He said, “Danny, I was in a meeting with someone. Text me!” I said, “Machete don’t text,” and that ended up in the movie.

Press: You make a lot of blockbuster films, but you pepper in a lot of smaller projects. How do you choose what smaller projects to work on?
Trejo: I kinda let them come to me. Some people with a lot of money try to make low-budget movies. Low-budget movies, for me, are for people who are struggling. Those I’ll do in a minute. Student films ain’t got no money–they’ll take you to lunch and give you a hundred bucks or something. It’s good enough, especially to get someone started.

Press: I liked Bad Ass a lot.
Trejo: I’ve got Bad Ass 2 coming out with Mel Gibson, which is awesome…wait! It’s not Mel Gibson! Mel Gibson is in Machete Kills! (laughs) It’s been a long day. Bad Ass 2 is with Danny Glover. I gotta say, Mel Gibson was awesome in this movie. I had a sword fight with him, and when Robert yelled, “Action!”,  I threw my sword down. Robert said, “What’s wrong?” and I said, “I’ve got to fight William Wallace?! He freed Scotland!” Mel has a great sense of humor. He laughed.

Press: What’s the tone like on the set?
Trejo: One day, we were in an abandoned Home Depot, completely empty. No AC, in Texas. I was looking around, and I was thinking, how could the morale on this movie be up? And it was so up! Nobody cared. We were having so much [fun]. Robert’s like me–he won’t do something if it’s not fun. If we’re not having fun, it’s like, let’s go home early. It starts from the top–if the director is having a good time, everybody is having a good time.

WTI: I think you’ve been blessed with this great face for film…
Trejo: That’s what Robert says!

WTI: It’s probably the most bad ass face I’ve ever seen. Is there anyone who you’d be afraid to face off with?
Trejo: Chuck Norris! (laughs) Let me tell you something–all of these guys who are supposed to be karate experts in the movies? If you want to make them shut up, just ask, “How would you do against Chuck Norris?” and they’ll go “Uh…”. Chuck’s the real deal. Everybody else is Hollywood. We were doing Con Air, which was the biggest test of testosterone. You 50 Hollywood wanna-be bad guys. You’d spit, and somebody else would spit a little further. Soon, everybody’s [spitting]! Everything was a contest. This guy who used to fight Chuck Norris, Benny Urquidez, a kickboxing champion, was John Cusack’s sensei. Now, nobody believes it, but John Cusack is a BMF! He’s bad. He looks like the kind of guy you’d pick on, but he’d kick your ass, man. At lunch, Benny would grab me and say, “Let’s go to the dojo.” We’d meditate, work out and stuff. We’d all throw rocks to see who could throw the farthest, and they said, “No, Dan. If you lose, you’ll throw a rock at somebody!”

Press: Is there any question you wish journalists would stop asking you?
Trejo: No. Everybody’s pretty considerate.

Press: No one crosses the line?
Trejo: I just give them a dirty look. It’s funny, everybody has trouble with the paparazzi, but they’ve always been polite to me.

Press: Who would win in a fight–Machete or Rambo?
Trejo: I think Machete would be a little too slick, and I think Rambo knows it!

WTI: Do you have any intention of stopping making the Machete movies?
Trejo: No. As long as the audience likes them. Even with Rocky, they said, “Why are you making Rocky V?” Because Rocky IV made money! When they stop making money, we’ll stop making them. So far, we’re batting 1000. We’re doing really well.

Press: How was it working with Demian Bichir?
Trejo: He’s awesome. He’s so beautiful. We hit it off the minute we met. He said, “I’ve always been a fan,” and I said, “Shut up! You got nominated for an Oscar!” He’s a great actor. Carlos Estevez! Everybody wanted to be in this movie because the last one was so good. We got Amber Heard. I have a love scene with her. Robert said action, and he said, “Why are you laughing, Amber!” She said, “Because Danny won’t stop saying ‘Thank you Jesus! Thank you Jesus!'” She’s such a Texas girl. Her dad’s from Texas. We all went to look at this car somebody got–everybody was looking at the interior, the color, etc. Amber’s a Texas girl–“What kind of horsepower does it have?” (laughs)